fuck my life.

king_buzzo · 02.08.2009, 04:33 PM

http://www.fmylife.com/

Quote:

Today, I am finally dating the girl I have liked on and off for the past year. In the school play. FML

Quote:

Today, I woke up surrounded in a hospital. I suffered a stroke and my left side is paralyzed. My mom brought me my phone that had a voicemail from my girlfriend of a year and a half saying she wanted to break up. FML

this is hillarious

Sheriff Rhys Chatham · 02.08.2009, 04:45 PM

Today, I told my mom I loved her a lot. Her reply? "Thanks." FML

atsonicpark · 02.08.2009, 05:17 PM

Today, my best friend told me she wanted to rape my throat. I did not know that was possible. FML.

acousticrock87 · 02.08.2009, 05:37 PM

"Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML"

Trasher02 · 02.08.2009, 05:51 PM

Quote:

Today, I sent my best friend Mike the link to a porn site we were talking about at a party. Turns out the name “Mom” is right next to “Mike” in my contacts list. FML

HAH!

Derek · 02.08.2009, 06:13 PM

Today, I was taking the elevator down with a group of people. It stopped on the 2nd floor and I said "What asshole can't take the steps from the 2nd floor?" Then a kid in a wheelchair got on. FML

davenotdead · 02.08.2009, 06:18 PM

Today, my virgin guy friend told me he wanted me to be his first. I'm a guy. FML

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night. I was still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out she opens her eyes and says "Oh, it's you." Then gets up and walks out. FML.

ploesj · 02.08.2009, 06:18 PM

wow, mine isn't that bad then.

atsonicpark · 02.08.2009, 06:19 PM

^^^ The SY Gossip forum said something bad about Animal Collective. FML.

Danny Himself · 02.08.2009, 06:32 PM

Today, my best friend and I were walking down the block. A huge palm branch fell right in front of me, but it wacked her in the face, and I stood there laughing - turns out she's in a coma. FML

Today, I discovered my mom has over 20 sites bookmarked on her laptop, all having to do with 'How To Boost Your Insecure Teen's Confidence' or 'How To Help Your Overweight Teen Have A Positive Self Image'. Thanks, mommy. FML

Today, I was playing with 3 kids I look after. The middle one has just learned about sex and started chanting that I had done it with the eldest as a joke. We were in the garden and the neighbours heard. Now I am fired, have to leave the house and am being investigated by the police. FML

davenotdead · 02.08.2009, 06:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atsonicpark

^^^ The SY Gossip forum said something bad about Animal Collective. FML.

have you submitted this yet? its a good one

atsonicpark · 02.08.2009, 06:45 PM

"I love Merzbow." - John Fahey

ploesj · 02.08.2009, 07:00 PM

Today, I found out my crush has a colostomy bag because she has no anus.

muaha.

atsonicpark · 02.08.2009, 07:06 PM

merzow's music is rooted in cognitive pyschology, wherein even when playing random noises, the mind has amazing capabilities to fill in the blanks of perception and create hidden harmonies and agreements where none "objectively" exist.

02.08.2009, 07:06 PM

ooobjeeectiiiiveeeelyyyyyy

pbradley · 02.08.2009, 07:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Danny Himself

Today, I was playing with 3 kids I look after. The middle one has just learned about sex and started chanting that I had done it with the eldest as a joke. We were in the garden and the neighbours heard. Now I am fired, have to leave the house and am being investigated by the police. FML

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJCRNXUngAM

✌➬ · 02.08.2009, 08:52 PM

Quote:

Today, I got stuck in an elevator for 2 hours with my boyfriend and the guy that I have been secretly having sex with for 6 months. FML

OMG, too funny.

Alex's Trip · 02.08.2009, 09:33 PM

Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML

lol, what dummies.

Alex's Trip · 02.08.2009, 09:34 PM

Today, at the elementary school where I teach, the kids all voted for their favorite teacher. I was the only one to receive zero votes. When I asked a small group of students why no one voted for me, one boy replied "because you're the ugliest". FML

So sad!

Alex's Trip · 02.08.2009, 09:48 PM

Today, I tried hallucinogenic mushrooms for the first time with my friend. Little did I know, they last for around 6 hours, and I had class at 3, when I had to give a presentation in front of 30 people. FML

not funny. didn't tell us when he took them. FUCK THIS GUY'S LIFE

02.08.2009, 04:45 PM	#2
Sheriff Rhys Chatham invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: New England. Posts: 4,027	Today, I told my mom I loved her a lot. Her reply? "Thanks." FML __________________ My Music(grunge rock) A part of this blue shit since June 24th, 2004
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02.08.2009, 05:17 PM	#3
atsonicpark invito al cielo Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 28,843	Today, my best friend told me she wanted to rape my throat. I did not know that was possible. FML. __________________
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

02.08.2009, 05:37 PM	#4
acousticrock87 invito al cielo Join Date: May 2006 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 5,515	"Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML"
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

02.08.2009, 06:13 PM	#6
Derek invito al cielo Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 8,095	Today, I was taking the elevator down with a group of people. It stopped on the 2nd floor and I said "What asshole can't take the steps from the 2nd floor?" Then a kid in a wheelchair got on. FML
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

02.08.2009, 06:18 PM	#7
davenotdead invito al cielo Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 7,784	Today, my virgin guy friend told me he wanted me to be his first. I'm a guy. FML Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night. I was still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out she opens her eyes and says "Oh, it's you." Then gets up and walks out. FML. __________________
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

02.08.2009, 06:18 PM	#8
ploesj invito al cielo Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: antwerp. Posts: 2,901	wow, mine isn't that bad then. __________________ blog flickr
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02.08.2009, 06:19 PM	#9
atsonicpark invito al cielo Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 28,843	^^^ The SY Gossip forum said something bad about Animal Collective. FML. __________________
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

02.08.2009, 06:32 PM	#10
Danny Himself invito al cielo Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 9,623	Today, my best friend and I were walking down the block. A huge palm branch fell right in front of me, but it wacked her in the face, and I stood there laughing - turns out she's in a coma. FML Today, I discovered my mom has over 20 sites bookmarked on her laptop, all having to do with 'How To Boost Your Insecure Teen's Confidence' or 'How To Help Your Overweight Teen Have A Positive Self Image'. Thanks, mommy. FML Today, I was playing with 3 kids I look after. The middle one has just learned about sex and started chanting that I had done it with the eldest as a joke. We were in the garden and the neighbours heard. Now I am fired, have to leave the house and am being investigated by the police. FML
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

02.08.2009, 06:45 PM	#12
atsonicpark invito al cielo Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 28,843	"I love Merzbow." - John Fahey __________________
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

02.08.2009, 07:00 PM	#13
ploesj invito al cielo Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: antwerp. Posts: 2,901	Today, I found out my crush has a colostomy bag because she has no anus. muaha. __________________ blog flickr
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

02.08.2009, 07:06 PM	#14
atsonicpark invito al cielo Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 28,843	merzow's music is rooted in cognitive pyschology, wherein even when playing random noises, the mind has amazing capabilities to fill in the blanks of perception and create hidden harmonies and agreements where none "objectively" exist. __________________
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

02.08.2009, 07:06 PM	#15
al shabbray Posts: n/a	ooobjeeectiiiiveeeelyyyyyy
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

02.08.2009, 09:33 PM	#18
Alex's Trip invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Southern California Posts: 5,608	Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML lol, what dummies. __________________ KALOPSIA
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02.08.2009, 09:34 PM	#19
Alex's Trip invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Southern California Posts: 5,608	Today, at the elementary school where I teach, the kids all voted for their favorite teacher. I was the only one to receive zero votes. When I asked a small group of students why no one voted for me, one boy replied "because you're the ugliest". FML So sad! __________________ KALOPSIA
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

02.08.2009, 09:48 PM	#20
Alex's Trip invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Southern California Posts: 5,608	Today, I tried hallucinogenic mushrooms for the first time with my friend. Little did I know, they last for around 6 hours, and I had class at 3, when I had to give a presentation in front of 30 people. FML not funny. didn't tell us when he took them. FUCK THIS GUY'S LIFE __________________ KALOPSIA
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|