[!@#$%!]

Relax! I know I grabbed you off the street, but I’m just a criminal, not a federal agent!

Opinion by
Alexandra Petri
Columnist
July 17, 2020 at 5:22 p.m. EST

Hello, harmless passerby, and welcome to my unmarked van!

I know this is very creepy for you, but I want you to relax: I am just a criminal, doing this entirely on my own dime and my own time, and you can have recourse to law enforcement later! I know it would be terrifying if I were actually some sort of federal law enforcement, because then you would have no recourse, and, furthermore, you might feel that the country had taken a serious turn. But, no, America is still as great as it has ever been! I, personally, am a criminal monster who is constructing a sculpture out of mandibles to placate the Elk God, but America’s system of rights and constitutional protections is absolutely still fully intact. So, that’s good.

I have gotten a lot of feedback during my years of seizing people without warning and placing them into this van (do be sure to fill out the form, which is located on the seat next to you) and the No. 1 piece of feedback has been that people want to know that America’s system of rights remains in place. Congratulations, it does! Now you can focus on being scared of me, personally, an extra-legal, non-state actor who should definitely not be doing this and who deserves to be punished as the criminal I am.

Again, I am just doing this for myself, with no color of law whatsoever! I heard on the news that there was a building here that had to be repainted with 47 coats of paint, and to me, that was a summons to come onto the street and start just seizing people at random and tossing them into this van. But, again, that is because my thinking is bad. I am in no way affiliated with any federal agency, not even of any kind! And, frankly, I shouldn’t be!

You can also guess that I’m not affiliated because this van is unmarked and I am wearing some sort of desert camo, which is not really suited for an urban environment. But that’s fine. I think it looks cool.

The governor has not asked for me to be here, and the mayor has not asked for me to be here, for two reasons: one, because they do not know about me, a private citizen; and, two, because if they did, I can guarantee they wouldn’t want Creepy Van Kidnap Bloke (my name needs work; please suggest alternatives on the form!) in their beautiful city one bit. But it doesn’t matter to me what they want.

I am here, because I want to serve and protect America’s men (statues) and women (courthouses). The way I see it, statues are more people than people, buildings are extra people, and fences are children. It is so much worse, to my mind, to attack a symbol than it is to harm a person, that if I ever saw someone burn a flag — there is literally nothing I would not feel justified in doing, and no one who would be safe from my van or my bone-based sculpture projects. Again, my brain is bad.

No, I will not tell you, beyond that, who I am and why I am doing this. But it isn’t disappointing that I won’t, because I am a criminal, operating outside the law. Sure, I believe that I am the embodiment of justice and that the president asked me to be here and help, but neither of those things are actually the case. My mind is very broken, and I anticipate that I will soon be arrested. I am just a simple monster-man, with no pretensions to being political.

Get excited for my jawbone shrine, we are almost there! And God Bless America!

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opini...federal-agent/

[h8kurdt]

Fox news actually calling out Trump on his bullshit.

Trump obviously doesn't handle it well.

[h8kurdt]

Originally Posted by !@#$%!

Get excited for my jawbone shrine, we are almost there! And God Bless America!

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opini...federal-agent/

Very droll but it is crazy what's going on with that. The outrage doesn't seem much considering.

[The Soup Nazi]

Originally Posted by h8kurdt

Very droll but it is crazy what's going on with that. The outrage doesn't seem much considering.

This happens every day under dictatorships. I sure as fuck know - I lived 13 or so years under one. The U.S. is barely a partial democracy at this point.

[Bytor Peltor]

Originally Posted by Genteel Death

I don't care about Robert Schunk's political opinions. Or Bytor's. I'm only curious as to why they are the only two fighting the fight on a Sonic Youth forum, of all places. The energy etc.

I’ve never looked at it as “fighting the fight.” Just to recap, I wasn’t an active contributor to this thread during the election process or even after Trump won.

April 22, 2018 (page 195) is when I jumped in with a dissenting opinion:

Originally Posted by Bytor Peltor

Russia might be smarter than anyone thought!!!

A) NO evidence of collusion between Russia and Trump campaign.

B) IF collusion did occur, IT’s NOT ILLEGAL

C) Special Counsels are appointed to persu KNOWN CRIMES and NOT to go seeking after “possible” crimes......technically, seeking crimes is a violation of Special Counsel laws.

......so much freaking wasted time!

The best thing I could say about Donald Trump then is the best thing I could say about him now......his last name isn’t Clinton!

I’ve been an active member of SYG since the old board. I have private messages dating back to 2006 and I’ve always contributed to Non-Sonic Sounds. But most importantly, I’ve never belittled or attacked anyone on a personal level simply because their opinion was different than mine!

Lastly, all apologies to anyone I may have angered or aggravated concerning political discussions.

[choc e-Claire]

Originally Posted by Robert Schunk

Joe Biden says police have "BECOME THE ENEMY" and calls for CUTTING police funding: "Yes, absolutely!" [removed the URL because - jfc, @TrumpWarRoom is your source?

Nothing about police 'becoming' the enemy if you're not a white guy.

[The Soup Nazi]

Careful, Dotard's not dead yet...

4 things that could swing the 2020 race toward Trump

[Bytor Peltor]

Originally Posted by The Soup Nazi

Careful, Dotard's not dead yet...

4 things that could swing the 2020 race toward Trump

Don’t forget the 5th reason: Democrats allow Biden to exit his basement!

[The Soup Nazi]

Originally Posted by Bytor Peltor

Don’t forget the 5th reason: Democrats allow Biden to exit his basement!

 

[The Soup Nazi]

Originally Posted by The Soup Nazi

Careful, Dotard's not dead yet...

On the other hand... From The Guardian:

Donald Trump v Fox News Sunday: extraordinary moments from a wild interview

I can't even make a joke about it. Kinda feel sad for those who have to, because what are you gonna add; the joke's right there, punchlines everywhere. If this had been written as a comedy skit in "normal times" (like, say, back when Dan Quayle's stupidity was mocked), it would have been so off the charts it'd have been considered just too damn implausible and therefore not that funny. Which, come to think of it, it's not. Sad.

More: https://news.google.com/stories/CAAq...S&ceid=US%3Aen

[h8kurdt]

It's a car crash and a half for sure. His comment when asked about the daily (covid) death toll being around 1,000, said: “It is what it is.” says it all. The guy doesn't give a shit about the massive amount of deaths and never has. Yet this is the guy people wanting leading them through it? Try as I might I'll never understand it.

[The Soup Nazi]

Originally Posted by h8kurdt

It's a car crash and a half for sure. His comment when asked about the daily (covid) death toll being around 1,000, said: “It is what it is.” says it all. The guy doesn't give a shit about the massive amount of deaths and never has. Yet this is the guy people wanting leading them through it? Try as I might I'll never understand it.

I do.

[Bytor Peltor]

Originally Posted by The Soup Nazi

 

CBS News: Joe Biden runs campaign from his basement

San Francisco Chronicle: Relax, Obama strategist tells Democrats: Joe Biden should stay in his basement

FOX News: Terry McAuliffe recorded saying Dems prefer Biden stay 'in the basement'

Joe Biden Says He is Locked in the Basement (VIDEO)

“Sleepy Joe Biden said Tuesday during an interview from his home in Delaware that he is locked in his basement.“

[The Soup Nazi]

I'm not disputing the "basement" shit (metaphor for "staying home", which dotards everywhere should be doing, come on), although it's been exaggerated; the guy has already given good speeches on climate change and infrastructure. Eventually, yes, we'll see more of him, and despite Tom Friedman's wishes the debates will take place anyway without previous tax information disclosure and real-time fact-checking. (By the way, why aren't you, so worried about "fakeness" and posting links to prove your statements, demanding transparency?). And yes, Biden will make mistakes along the way, but most of them will be silly, inconsequential faux pas.

Now, they should be taken for what I just said they will be. My preferred definition of intelligence is the ability to make fine distinctions. But we're not dealing with an electorate that makes fine distinctions, are we, PELTOR. We're dealing with a bunch that doesn't even make undiscriminating distinctions; it's a mass that equals blatant lies, ineptitude, corruption, racism, misogyny, authoritarian disregard for the rule of law (and we could go on and on) with "but her emails".

You go ahead and believe in magical tax cuts and the babyjeezus and all the things the Reagan-Thatcher axis of evil embraced when they declared war on the have-nots; their brand of savage, unregulated capitalism is encroached around the world anyway. But if you LIKE TRUMP, the person, you can go fuck a goat.

[The Soup Nazi]

Just read this New York Times report (via The Hill):

Ryan warned Trump was losing key voters in Wisconsin, other states: NYT

So much for fake polls. The fuck does Paul Ryan care, anyway? He's a retired mook politician: he got what he wanted -the megatonic corporate tax cuts- by enabling a 25th Amendment president every step of the way, and then fucked off. Stay away, asshole.

[Bytor Peltor]

Originally Posted by The Soup Nazi

I'm not disputing the "basement" shit (metaphor for "staying home", which dotards everywhere should be doing, come on), although it's been exaggerated; the guy has already given good speeches on climate change and infrastructure. Eventually, yes, we'll see more of him, and despite Tom Friedman's wishes the debates will take place anyway without previous tax information disclosure and real-time fact-checking. (By the way, why aren't you, so worried about "fakeness" and posting links to prove your statements, demanding transparency?). And yes, Biden will make mistakes along the way, but most of them will be silly, inconsequential faux pas.

Now, they should be taken for what I just said they will be. My preferred definition of intelligence is the ability to make fine distinctions. But we're not dealing with an electorate that makes fine distinctions, are we, PELTOR. We're dealing with a bunch that doesn't even make undiscriminating distinctions; it's a mass that equals blatant lies, ineptitude, corruption, racism, misogyny, authoritarian disregard for the rule of law (and we could go on and on) with "but her emails".

You go ahead and believe in magical tax cuts and the babyjeezus and all the things the Reagan-Thatcher axis of evil embraced when they declared war on the have-nots; their brand of savage, unregulated capitalism is encroached around the world anyway. But if you LIKE TRUMP, the person, you can go fuck a goat.

You make it sound as if it’s going to come down to his taxes vs. her emails. Guess what, there is no way we will ever truly know. Sure, Donald’s taxes could eventually surface to the light of day, but it doesn’t look like it will happen before the first Tuesday in November. Donald very well could be proven a tax fraud and if so, he was able to do so during the Obama & Bush Administration’s. But they never caught or prosecuted him for such evasions, so that’s on them! (guess what, they didn’t care)

One thing is for sure, Donald’s tax’s do exist! President Barack Obama didn’t give anyone immunity to destroy Donald’s taxes the way he gave Hillary Clinton’s attorney immunity to destroy 33 THOUSAND emails......yet you believe it’s a mass of our ignorant population that disregards the “rule of law.”

If Barack, Hillary and sleepy Joe were the ones upholding the “rules of law,” why would emails need to be deleted?

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by Genteel Death

I don't care about Robert Schunk's political opinions. Or Bytor's. I'm only curious as to why they are the only two fighting the fight on a Sonic Youth forum, of all places. The energy etc.

one is crazy the other one is stupid (in my opinion). you tell me which one is which (in your opinion).

[Bytor Peltor]

Originally Posted by h8kurdt

It's a car crash and a half for sure. His comment when asked about the daily (covid) death toll being around 1,000, said: “It is what it is.” says it all. The guy doesn't give a shit about the massive amount of deaths and never has. Yet this is the guy people wanting leading them through it? Try as I might I'll never understand it.

You truly don’t understand!

Trump did exactly what the voters wanted him to do, he saved them from another Clinton presidency! Trump was beholding to no one, he had never held a political office......what are the odds?

The voters weren’t looking for a savior!

h8kurdt makes it sound as if Hillary or Sleepy Joe would have this pandemic whipped if they were the ones calling the shots and this simply isn’t true. Pandemic’s are hard on the population, especially the elderly!

Tough decisions are being made and the end of July is looming! The end of July is when many will stop receiving their $600 stipend per week from the federal government and the question becomes......what happens then?

Also, all of the Paycheck Protection Program (PPP) money will soon be running out. Companies will no longer be paid to keep employees employed even though they can no longer afford to keep them.

14 trillion dollars has been pumped into our economy over the past five months. No one wants to appear heartless just before an election, so President Trump is seeking an additional trillion dollars while Nancy Pelosi wants another THREE TRILLION.

Be it the end of this month or the end of the year, the government handouts will run out and financially speaking things will get very bad!!!

A depression greater than the 1920’s is looming and this November the voters will be deciding who leads us out of it!!!

There are a lot of people who didn’t like Trump in 2016, but they voted for him! The question come November 2020......how many will blame Trump for a world wide pandemic?

[The Soup Nazi]

Originally Posted by Bytor Peltor

Donald very well could be proven a tax fraud and if so, he was able to do so during the Obama & Bush Administration’s. But they never caught or prosecuted him for such evasions, so that’s on them! (guess what, they didn’t care)

That is the dumbest thing I've read in my life. If I shoot you in the face and the authorities don't care, it's on them, not on me, I get away with it and your life/death is worthless?

ETA: Don't you have ANY sense of justice?

 

[Bytor Peltor]

Originally Posted by The Soup Nazi

That is the dumbest thing I've read in my life. If I shoot you in the face and the authorities don't care, it's on them, not on me, I get away with it and your life/death is worthless?

ETA: Don't you have ANY sense of justice?

 

Are you implying Donald Trump didn’t pay taxes in the years leading up to his Presidency? Do you think Donald Trump paid someone under the table as to avoid paying his fair share of taxes?

What exactly is it that you are implying?

You see, I believe Donald Trump paid his taxes. I believe the George Bush and Barack Obama IRS had alarms in place to catch tax frauds. As I stated above, it’s apparent Donald Trump’s taxes haven’t set off said alarms in the past.

Lastly, I understand presidents aren’t required to make their taxes available!

Could Trump’s taxes reveal he isn’t as wealthy as he states, could it reveal he uses every loophole that may appear questionable —ABSOLUTELY— I believe this is more about embarrassing President Trump and he very well may deserve it......but if he wasn’t President, no one would care!

Originally Posted by Bytor Peltor

If Barack, Hillary and sleepy Joe were the ones upholding the “rules of law,” why would emails need to be deleted?

CRICKETS!!!