[pepper_green]

crazy hectic week. got pulled over three times by deputies and state troopers looking for the shooter and being generally assholes. one gave me a ticket for speeding the others gave me a warning for failure to put on a blinker to change lanes. getting harassed by authority jerkoffs is amazing.

last time I heard someone shot two cops in the face. lucky I don't drink and drive so I stay home and post rambling bullshit on SYG.

go fuck yrself. hard. im a total beta male. I don't like control. I love chaos. the more I feel the less I feel for those officers. cops are nothing but vigilantes with a badge.

[dead_battery]

i went to an expensive clinic today to get info for my 3k surgery, but i lucked out and found a way to very very likely get it FOR FREE from the government thanks to info from the consultant.
the clinic i went to was in the richest part of the city and i expected them to smell the poor before i walked in. but they were in fact beyond cool. i want to give the woman a thank you gift because she was so amazing and spent half an hour explaining how i could get it for free instead of paying her company 3k even though i was late and do not belong in the rich part of town.

but as i walked home elated i blew my nose (i have a cold) and fucked up the air pressure in my head and almost collapsed. i am still dazed.

i also got hit by a car on my new fuckin' bike on monday morning and it's wrecked and getting repaired. didn't get injured but it was close. dude who hit me paid me off because he didnt want to get the insurance involved. only had the thing 2 weeks.

what a fucking week

[EVOLghost]

Damn dood. Glad to hear you got some good news out of all that shit.


Life is just so fucking hectic during this time. It always bums me out.

[dead_battery]

this has been the busiest month of my life. i am down to less than 100 but will coast through the rest of it ok.

ive developed a complex strategy to put pressure on the health service to give me my surgery and quick. it's either this or have a heart attack.

i have a breathing machine that helps me sleep a bit better, which has increased my cognitive functioning and lessened the memory loss and health damage which has allowed me to have the most productive month i've had possibly ever or at least in many many years. it's also allowed me to strategically gather information about my workplace and so i now understand the dynamics of what the overall attitude is to the mentally ill coworker who is making life hell and i've accepted that there is no way i can change it because noone else wants to. i learnt what the bosses think and what i'm really supposed to do ie. keep quiet about certain things. it was just a relief to learn that they do know what is going on and i'm not a lone madman. although i suspect they might not know the full extent of what's going on and might have not known what they were getting into before they got too deep with this guy.

i am preparing a resignation letter which will outline what i tried to do to make the business work better and how this person made that extremely difficult. until i leave i am trying to preserve the calm and quiet, do a good bit of work without exerting myself and make some effort to keep it going but i won't grind myself to the bone anymore.

soon it will be time to just WALK THE FUCK AWAY. imo until we have advanced neuroscientifical procedures there is just nothing you can do to help these people. hell when i was at my worst there was nothing most people could have done but walked away. i am in the cross hairs of a deranged and potentially dangerous person who has the power to take my job and is trying to take any self respect or dignity i might have for his own perverse enjoyment.

anyway, the underlying lesson this experience has given me is the massive disconnect between the reality of what some people are like and our beliefs about peoples motives. i didnt really accept that a modern functioning person in our society could be so viciously aggressive and knowingly want to inflict degradation, humiliation and destruction on others (and partially on themselves). i think that part of the reason that its easy to forget this is that people really do differ so much in their personalities. some people are predators and they are well aware of it. they will sacrifice their own advantage for it. it's not logical or rational. i really suspect that someone i work for was trying to destroy their own business in such a way that i could be held responsible so they could be relieved of the burden of it.

i always knew that people were bullies, hell i was both bullied and a bully at various points like a lot of people. but i never really got how people could want to work hard to build something and then be on the precipice of wiping it out over petty and totally irrational rages.

if you peer under the surface i think even modern techno-scientific societies run in supplement with bizarre and ancient impulses of suicide, destruction, deliberate destitution etc. i need to read bataille.

anyway, never assume sanity on the part of your friends or enemies. or rather, if you see a large front of sanity and rationality always assume that it is subject to being wiped out by a deluge of utter fucking batshittery and be prepared to defend yourself or else you'll be overwhelmed.

[dead_battery]

also, another lesson that i truly genuinely believe and am not exaggerrating -

i really truly and honestly think that a large number of people have suffered or are currently suffering nervous breakdowns due to our transition into digital capitalism. i really believe that particularly older people who are forced by their jobs to deal with it are at risk of going fucking bonkers. they are facing a scarcely fathomable abyss of complexity which their nervous systems are not used to and they are crashing awkwardly into it using obsolete strategies. they are at heart frightened and confused and know they can't cope.

the good side of this is that you can help them and if you find businesses that aren't doing the internet properly you can rescue them to a certain extent. some people can sort of accept their inability and deal with it but others can't and they are paralyzed by it. they are stuck in a weird kind of stasis.

i can think of two specific people over 35 that i believe digital capitalism has been a significant factor in causing nervous breakdowns and mental illness. they could have continued their work if time was frozen and there were no computers or at least no internet. but when they were forced to transition into a world where these things exist they lost the plot

i see old people on a regular basis who have been scammed over the phone or internet and paid fake antivirus or microsoft support guys shitloads of money. soon the banks will stop automatically refunding them.

old people cannot deal with this shit and they are causing MASSIVE economic stasis

[dead_battery]

superabundance

[tesla69]

amazon left 3 boxes in my bldg lobby about 3 weeks ago and they are still sitting there. Being a good citizen these days I actually called Amazon and they told me to just let them sit there they had no way of picking up the boxes.

[tesla69]

is this green?:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencete...ealed-CES.html

you can control your multiple coordinated swarms of killer flying drones from inside one of these

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by tesla69

amazon left 3 boxes in my bldg lobby about 3 weeks ago and they are still sitting there. Being a good citizen these days I actually called Amazon and they told me to just let them sit there they had no way of picking up the boxes.

IT'S A BOMB!

nah, just kidding. it's espionage devices. they're tracking that lobby.

[EVOLghost]

I was gifted a quadcopter/drone with a camera for Christmas. Not exactly sure what I should do with it. I should probably put it together first.

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by dead_battery

this has been the busiest month of my life. i am down to less than 100 but will coast through the rest of it ok.

ive developed a complex strategy to put pressure on the health service to give me my surgery and quick. it's either this or have a heart attack.

i have a breathing machine that helps me sleep a bit better, which has increased my cognitive functioning and lessened the memory loss and health damage which has allowed me to have the most productive month i've had possibly ever or at least in many many years. it's also allowed me to strategically gather information about my workplace and so i now understand the dynamics of what the overall attitude is to the mentally ill coworker who is making life hell and i've accepted that there is no way i can change it because noone else wants to. i learnt what the bosses think and what i'm really supposed to do ie. keep quiet about certain things. it was just a relief to learn that they do know what is going on and i'm not a lone madman. although i suspect they might not know the full extent of what's going on and might have not known what they were getting into before they got too deep with this guy.

i am preparing a resignation letter which will outline what i tried to do to make the business work better and how this person made that extremely difficult. until i leave i am trying to preserve the calm and quiet, do a good bit of work without exerting myself and make some effort to keep it going but i won't grind myself to the bone anymore.

soon it will be time to just WALK THE FUCK AWAY. imo until we have advanced neuroscientifical procedures there is just nothing you can do to help these people. hell when i was at my worst there was nothing most people could have done but walked away. i am in the cross hairs of a deranged and potentially dangerous person who has the power to take my job and is trying to take any self respect or dignity i might have for his own perverse enjoyment.

anyway, the underlying lesson this experience has given me is the massive disconnect between the reality of what some people are like and our beliefs about peoples motives. i didnt really accept that a modern functioning person in our society could be so viciously aggressive and knowingly want to inflict degradation, humiliation and destruction on others (and partially on themselves). i think that part of the reason that its easy to forget this is that people really do differ so much in their personalities. some people are predators and they are well aware of it. they will sacrifice their own advantage for it. it's not logical or rational. i really suspect that someone i work for was trying to destroy their own business in such a way that i could be held responsible so they could be relieved of the burden of it.

i always knew that people were bullies, hell i was both bullied and a bully at various points like a lot of people. but i never really got how people could want to work hard to build something and then be on the precipice of wiping it out over petty and totally irrational rages.

if you peer under the surface i think even modern techno-scientific societies run in supplement with bizarre and ancient impulses of suicide, destruction, deliberate destitution etc. i need to read bataille.

anyway, never assume sanity on the part of your friends or enemies. or rather, if you see a large front of sanity and rationality always assume that it is subject to being wiped out by a deluge of utter fucking batshittery and be prepared to defend yourself or else you'll be overwhelmed.

how the fuck did i miss all this?

im not sure why im quoting it. probably to make sure i get to read it later, cuz i gotta run out of the house soon.

[!@#$%!]

@DB - well, yeah, sociopaths and psychopaths about in modern society and if anything they're often enabled by technological tools. take something like facebook-- it's a stalker's paradise!

in anything, society tends to reward sociopaths because we want "results" over the means to achieve them. so those who exploit and manipulate others to "win" are seen as heroes as long as they keep "winning."

this doesn't meant that all sadists always win however-- as you've noticed they may have self-destructive and other irrational impulses that lead them nowhere. and yes, sometimes nice guys finish first. but of course the loons are out there, and it's best to keep your wits about you when it comes to that.

most people, in fact, are irrational. many people are addicted to their nightmares. they'll rather stay in them because sanity is an unknown that makes them uncomfortable.

anyway, i hope you can land another job before you flee this one? best wishes with whatever happens.

[EVOLghost]

Don't normally like to share relationship stuff...but man...things have been so hectic. My girlfriend and I have been fighting a lot and we've been stressin' so hard being busy n stuff. She can be pretty clingy at times and normally it's whatever, but when shit needs to get done it sometimes gets to be difficult getting things done. She's pretty dramatic too which is exacerbates situations...and when she stresses, I feel liek shit since it affects her so much(she has a thyroid disease like a rare form of graves/hashimotos). I'm really into this girl, but I'm starting to think we're not as compatible as we think.

EDIT: I should add that normally we're really good at sorting things out(like right there and then), but that's not working at the moment.

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by EVOLghost

Don't normally like to share relationship stuff...but man...things have been so hectic. My girlfriend and I have been fighting a lot and we've been stressin' so hard being busy n stuff. She can be pretty clingy at times and normally it's whatever, but when shit needs to get done it sometimes gets to be difficult getting things done. She's pretty dramatic too which is exacerbates situations...and when she stresses, I feel liek shit since it affects her so much(she has a thyroid disease like a rare form of graves/hashimotos). I'm really into this girl, but I'm starting to think we're not as compatible as we think.

EDIT: I should add that normally we're really good at sorting things out(like right there and then), but that's not working at the moment.

call me a wackadoodle but are you guys taking vitamin D in winter? and also when did she last check her thyroid & updated meds? because thyroid + mood go together big time.

sorry to hear you're having troubles. and the above is not intended to minimize or dismiss personal stuff but sometimes the body gets in the way of "the mind" or whatever.

last-- "compatibility" is not always a given but it's something you work on. of course just can't be 1 person doing all the work.

[EVOLghost]

Originally Posted by !@#$%!

call me a wackadoodle but are you guys taking vitamin D in winter? and also when did she last check her thyroid & updated meds? because thyroid + mood go together big time.

sorry to hear you're having troubles. and the above is not intended to minimize or dismiss personal stuff but sometimes the body gets in the way of "the mind" or whatever.

last-- "compatibility" is not always a given but it's something you work on. of course just can't be 1 person doing all the work.

(shit, I forgot about Vitamin D)

Her thyroid levels are great at the moment. She just had them check last week and no adjustments to her medication have been made. She is really good at reading her body and she hasn't been feeling 'off'. As for the compatibility, I know things aren't going to be perfect all the time and we've had some pretty serious fights in the past, but like I said, we've always been good about resolving those issues. While I'm not expecting things to be sorted out overnight, right now I'm just worried about the stress. She's terrible at handling stress and that is what worries me the most. I'm honestly afraid she's going to get sick(because you know...autoimmune disease).

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by EVOLghost

While I'm not expecting things to be sorted out overnight, right now I'm just worried about the stress. She's terrible at handling stress and that is what worries me the most. I'm honestly afraid she's going to get sick(because you know...autoimmune disease).

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh....

got it.

yes.

[!@#$%!]

so, hm... watchu gonna do about the stress management. got any plans?

[EVOLghost]

As far as the management goes, no idea. My only plan at the moment is to try and remove things that stress her, but I don't believe that will necessarily help her manage the stress. She loves yoga and meditation, so I try and encourage that. I also try to encourage being neat not because she's messy(she is a bit messy), but because I believe it makes managing everything easier.

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by EVOLghost

As far as the management goes, no idea. My only plan at the moment is to try and remove things that stress her, but I don't believe that will necessarily help her manage the stress. She loves yoga and meditation, so I try and encourage that. I also try to encourage being neat not because she's messy(she is a bit messy), but because I believe it makes managing everything easier.

ha! im a very messy guy, and this is why i've learned to get rid of clutter whenever possible. i'm a fucking minimalist these days. a good guide to that is leo babauta. check his blog. he's got a ton on the subject. here's a random google find: https://zenhabits.net/a-guide-to-cre...nimalist-home/

and this also goes along with a time routine. i've noticed that if i have a daily routine it actually clears my mind of worries and forgettings and shit because everything is taken care of. so when i go out to play i'm sure i'm free to go play. and at work my head is freer to focus on the important stuff that requires actual decision making etc. not "what am i having for breakfast tomorrow?" or "did i pay the electricity?" but "how can i complete project X the best possible way?". that moves all the "exciting" and "unpredictable" to the important stuff, so to speak. limits the adrenaline.

and speaking of routine-- fuck yeah-- daily cardio, yoga and meditation keep me sane. when i stop or procrastinate, things go to shit a bit. which is why the routine helps make a place for those things. yoga from 5 to 540. 15 minutes meditation after waking. sun/tue/thu hiking. etc. etc. easy.

the question though is if these are your plans, or hers too. in other way-- is she willing to do the work to be saner/get along/get welletc? cuz it takes 2 to tango.

btw, the way meditation helps to prevent drama is because drama happens in the past and the future. in other words: "this shit happened to me, boohoo, i'm so miserable" or "this shit will happen to me, boohoo, i'm so miserable." meditation, when done well, and not as some kind of bullshit daydream, actually snaps your head back to the present, where it's needed to deal with reality.

btw, that's how games have that delicious effect as well: if you're not in the moment of the game, you fuck up and lose. it's not exactly the same as meditation but yes, it gives your head a break. meditation shows you that the game is here.

anyway best wishes don joaquín.

eta: i almost forgot! removing sugar and refined starches from the diet is huge to fight both stress and inflammation. i've actually removed all starches but i'm weird and you can't expect everyone to be that way. but nuking sugar & refined carbs is doable by all.

[EVOLghost]

Thanks Symbols. I too want to include some of these things into my life. Wince we've lived together, I too have become a messy person. I wasn't a neat freak by any means, but I did like to things have their general spaces. My main issue is time management and it sounds like this is something we can do together. I'm not that into the idea, but I do like the sound being efficient with the short day. I feel like it will ease this pressure to 'change'. She's open to all sorts of ideas, but her problem is continuing with these routines. We've talked plenty about being more organized and we begin to but keeping up with it is another story. But after reading all of this, meditation is what I think will help her the most. Sometimes things are just out of our control and those things will stress her the most. Thanks again man.