[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by Severian

I won't be receiving any 40th birthday cards.

The $$$ kept my existential angst at bay.

self reliant *loser*

I'm freaking out here

i figured i'd answer bit by bit so lemme just say-- i think you need a bit of therapy. i don't say this in the usually dismisive way people do, a kind of "fuck you". but man you're being harsh and unkind to yourself, and worrying too much about other people's opinions rather than your own healthy instincts... check yr head.

i think at the bottom of your changes, at the bottom of everything you need to do, the essential ingredient is self-compassion and kidness. without it life is awful. i know it's hard to tell a judgy brain to stop judging, and to stop using the enemy's weapons for self-destruction, but it needs to happen. it's how you think that is tormenting you right now. because you could be going through the same troubles and feel sad but be okay-- instead you call yourself a loser and fear other people's disapproval... you need to be your own friend first.

you say "what would you tell your friend?" but you need to ask that of yourself. if you had a friend in your situation you wouldn't call him a loser an threaten to abandon him when he's in need, would you? so, be a friend to yourself first.

anyway, more later.

Originally Posted by PLips

you will be humbled yet dont be humiliated

exactly

[Severian]

Originally Posted by Bytor Peltor

The same boiling water that softens a potato also hardens an egg. It's not about the circumstances, but rather what you are made of!

Many who have degrees find ways to make their degrees work for them, while others spend all their time trying to pay off their degrees.

Here in the States, we are dreadfully low on nurses and respiratory therapist. When my father-in-law was battling West Nile, the respiratory therapist were working all the overtime they could handle. According to them, it didn't take much to pull down $150k and $200k plus was doable if you wanted it.

Lots of hospitals are offering sizable signing bonuses to nurses just out of college or tech school.

Sales, depending on the field, can be extremely profitable. Down here along the Gulf Coast, oil field and medical are big business. Like everything, this line of work has it's ups and downs......but a good salesman will rarely do anything else.

Most important of all:

1) be able to pass a piss test

2) don't have a criminal background

3) be personable and reliable

I'm not a seller. I spent a long time handling accounts for commercial clients, and the reality of that system is not something I can handle. I wrote a lengthy piece about this recently and sent it to an old prof., and while it was scathing and nihilistic, it was also well received. I really think corporate American business and commodity brokerage corporations have resorted to a subtle and quiet new kind of human trafficking. If you take a long look at what some of the biggest marketing and sales outfits do, it's staggering that they're able to get away with it. They sell nothing, or the illusion of something, and place a heavy price on it. Their market is interested more in making services computer-efficient without losing their human workforce (which they pull from key demographics so they can claim charitable services during tax season), but neither service broker nor customer is willingness to adequately train these "specialists" who cost so much less through Broker A than all those qualified and seasoned professionals that were just laid off because they would never accept a pinner wage like the recent graduates or high school diploma holders that Broker A is tossing under the bus.

The individual worker is doomed to fail in these situations, but even if s/he succeeds, success is never realized. Working hard and being outstanding is a liability. Managers want people who are comfortable in their $13/hr job, who will tell them all about their fellow workers, and help them trim the talented and ambitious from the bunch. The last thing anyone wants is for people to start thinking they are valuable... Because when they think that, they stop fearing getting the axe, and start asking for more money.

It's just insanity.

I am not personable. I am odd and eccentric and creative and people get a "condescending" vibe from me. I am apparently incapable of not acting this way, because I reel myself in at work, and do as I'm told without question, giving minimal input (used to give lots of input bevause people asked for it, but when dumb people hear good ideas from their subordinates, they get uneasy and basically draw a little red dot on the subordinate's forhead).

I'm rambling, but this is my thing. I am smart. I am jovial and personable when I'm not being forced to do humiliating work for morons who in leadership roles.

I do not play well with others unless I am with others who share my beliefs about the world. So I do well at the non-profits, which are never going to pay a living wage, or pay me to do what I'm actually trained to do. I'm the kind of social autistic dude who belongs in academic isolation, and I'm very good at school work.

So, it's really a matter of hating my life, or trying to build a life I can stand. I am in the process of applying to some graduate programs in cognitive neuroscience and related fields. Wherever I go it will cost a lot of money and take a long time to earn myself the three letters that will give me some control over my future.

I would love medical school, and that's knly 4 initial years before being employable as a researcher, or living on a stipend as a resident. 3 years of rotations and I'll basically be able to do what I want.

But I'm losing my mind. The world is violent and cold and insane. I don't know how long I can last.

Sorry for all the drama. I'm going through a "No fucking way this is almost mid-life"-crisis. I'm sincerely concerned about my well being and the well being of others in similar situations.

I wish I could move to Canada or the UK or France, because I think it would be a more conducive atmosphere for my goals. Here in the U.S., only really rich people, really well adjusted people and (sometimes) people in the military have their education funded.

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by Severian

I am in the process of applying to some graduate programs in cognitive neuroscience and related fields. Wherever I go it will cost a lot of money and take a long time to earn myself the three letters that will give me some control over my future.

doesn't need to cost anything if it's postgraduate work in the sciences. if you're not working in a grant-funded project and don't have a research assistantship you're doing it wrong though.

[SuchFriendsAreDangerous]

 

[!@#$%!]

http://wapo.st/1LuLLIr

now, data/article doesn't say if they were employed *in their field*. but there you go.

[Severian]

I shouldn't have posted this. I can't even offer the excuse that I was drunk. This is a much more personal topic than I'm comfortable discussing in this setting.

I guess my outlook became grimmer than usual, and I gave in.

I do, however, know people who are in all of the situations listed in the first post. I think one of the most difficult things for me in all of this is feeling that these are worries for twenty-somethings... Not thirty-somethings. I feel so goddamn old. And I regret my mistakes like a man on his deathbed, which is super fucked up.

[dead_battery]

the key thing in this thread is to not blame yourself. blaming yourself is what you are supposed to do because either blame yourself or don't because noone gives a shit either way.

the entire system is a mess and it only exists to keep the rich in place and keep everyone else out. thats all that is going on.

if you can get into something like cog sci or something actually worthwhile and beneficial to humanity then why not just go for it - why not just go all guns blazing towards that goal because even if it becomes impossible you tried to actually contribute something to the world despite the world not giving much of a shit about you. you will sleep easy rather than regret it.

the problem is that anything good is likely to be ear marked by the nepotists for their own kin and walled off to anyone else.

the age thing is not worth worrying about. it doesnt matter. panic and guilt and regret are things that ideologues and sellers of pep talk products want to instill in you so they can manipulate you.

all middle class plus americans dream of civilized europe and vice versa for exciting or prosperous america. grass is greener.

that inhumanity and brutality you feel is a sign that you are actually in contact with reality and taking it into account in your decisions. this is a lot better place to be in than that of the guy sitting dreaming of the fantasy that is gonna come real - but he never does it and it never does and his actual reality falls to shit.

i have seen this in a great many men. going to be famous, going to be this or that, going to get rich quick. and i have witnessed their actual time slip away beneath this fantasy. its not like they dont know this and arent constantly telling themselves to make the move - the problem is their is no move, there is nothing they can do, its just a fantasy. one that exists only to offer them solace from their actual reality. and people like this always make idiot moves.

but if you can actually face your actual reality - then you can make moves inside it and you can also come to feel what little substance it actually has, and it loses its power to suffocate you.

[SuchFriendsAreDangerous]

This thread is depressing. Cheer up y'all, money aint shit and even billionaires got broken dreams.. life is about perspective. If one looks into the darkness "woe how dense is that darkness."

[dead_battery]

theres room for that cheeriness and dislike of thought everywhere else on the internet and in real life.

if you cant allow people one thread where things are taken seriously then congrats on being on the side of 99% of people today but also wrong.

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by Severian

I shouldn't have posted this. I can't even offer the excuse that I was drunk. This is a much more personal topic than I'm comfortable discussing in this setting.

and yet you did it, but nobody here is against you or made fun of you and everyone tried to help. aren't we a fucking nice bunch of beasts?

Originally Posted by Severian

I guess my outlook became grimmer than usual, and I gave in.

people in this society face a lot of pressure to "perform"

it's pretty dismal

Originally Posted by Severian

I do, however, know people who are in all of the situations listed in the first post. I think one of the most difficult things for me in all of this is feeling that these are worries for twenty-somethings... Not thirty-somethings. I feel so goddamn old. And I regret my mistakes like a man on his deathbed, which is super fucked up.

everybody knows people like that. some of us are those people. this isn't the forum at forbes magazine.

and don't be so ageist-- it's an excuse to continue being unkind to yourself

Originally Posted by dead_battery

the key thing in this thread is to not blame yourself.

exactly

[SuchFriendsAreDangerous]

Originally Posted by dead_battery

theres room for that cheeriness and dislike of thought everywhere else on the internet and in real life.

if you cant allow people one thread where things are taken seriously then congrats on being on the side of 99% of people today but also wrong.

I ain't banning or disallowing anything yo, just commenting that this thread is like uber depressing by going into waaaaaaaaaay to much detail. I've complained about shit as much as ANYONE on this forum over the years, and also been very appreciative of the support and positive feedback I've received from so many people here BUT this thread just seems a bit more of a drag by being a Count of Monte Cristo length proportions. In other words, cheer up folks! Shit gets better inevitably..

[dead_battery]

no it doesnt. "shit" doesnt just "get better" if you avoid depressing thoughts.

[SuchFriendsAreDangerous]

Originally Posted by dead_battery

no it doesnt. "shit" doesnt just "get better" if you avoid depressing thoughts.

 

[dead_battery]

personally i find positive feedback and encouragement disgusting most of the time - at least the stalinists would kill you sometimes. but having to perform your belief in the greatness and positivity of your pointless fucking life - its despicable.

[SuchFriendsAreDangerous]

 

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by SuchFriendsAreDangerous

In other words, cheer up folks! Shit gets better inevitably..

no fucking way. things get sadder and then you die.

cheer up because you'll need it more as things worsen.

 

(my favorite character in that movie is the squire, not the knight. he's badass and even kills a rapist. wow, way to digress.)

[SuchFriendsAreDangerous]

 

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by SuchFriendsAreDangerous

 

squire:

 

bill s. preston, esquire:

 

[SuchFriendsAreDangerous]

 

[!@#$%!]

HAPPY NATIONAL ADJUNCT WALKOUT DAY

http://gawker.com/happy-national-adj...day-1687939328

yes, this is what happens to people who finish their phds.

i know it well.

the system described there is actually false though-- you're either tenure track or adjunct for life from the outset. i mean this happens before you even finish your dissertation.

credentials are acquired much earlier in the humanities. in the sciences as well-- it's publish or perish from the outset. plus scholarships plus grants plus plus plus.

i realized that too late, should ahve stopped at the MA but got greedy and overshot. just like playing blackjack.

eh, you never know what is enough until you know what is more that enough.

at least the casino has free drinks.