[SuchFriendsAreDangerous]

I say if you can't beat em joim em, become equally distracting and annoying in instigator ways

 

[EVOLghost]

So...my girlfriend and I can get pretty rough with each other...and no not in aggressive ways...but like....err.....romantically.....and she's into a lot of things.....ANYWAYS.....I think one of her friends at school thinks I beat her. She's studying ASL to become an interpreter...and she's taking a theatre class and they're doing a play for a deaf event. They're going to do Little Shop of Horrors and she actually got the lead(Audrey) and a friend, who is deaf, of hers saw some bruises on her wrists and her chest(ok they weren't ALL me...she REALLY IS clumsy)...so he made a comment along the lines of, 'looks like you're taking your part seriously'. then not too long after....he just straight up asks her if I beat her. People who are deaf tend to be REALLY straightforward and extremely honest. Like...they have no problem talking about WHATEVER(her aunt who is deaf was straight up talking to me about sex at the kitchen table...like super descriptive too not just a mention or whatever...it was a little awkward)! so....his comment was not just a joke or something...he was completely serious wiht that question. And now she is telling me he's acting all weird around her after I met him at a improv comedy show we saw last week.

and then I thought...wow. maybe demonrail was onto something.

[SuchFriendsAreDangerous]

Dude, we all told you to be careful with that yo, for realz

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by SuchFriendsAreDangerous

we all told you

i don't think i did. did i? not me. can't recall.

Originally Posted by EVOLghost

And now she is telling me he's acting all weird around her after I met him at a improv comedy show we saw last week.

if he's blunt as you said then just counter with bluntness-- i'm not battered i'm just kinky mind your own fucking business perv /end

Originally Posted by EVOLghost

and then I thought...wow. maybe demonrail was onto something.

what was he on to? i seem to have missed something. could you please point to a post? i'm curious.

ha ha yes srsly i'm curious-- not trying to fuck with you or anything.

[Bytor Peltor]

Originally Posted by !@#$%!

what was he on to? i seem to have missed something. could you please point to a post? i'm curious.

ha ha yes srsly i'm curious-- not trying to fuck with you or anything.

I didn't see it either, but I only went back a page....?

EVOLGHOST - maybe deaf dude is hot for your girl?

[SuchFriendsAreDangerous]

Why is everybody mad at that dude for being concerned? Girl comes to school with visible bruises im gonna call her man out too yo! Its funny, every body wanted to crucify ray rice until its your friend that maybe victim of abuse, then its "they should mind their business?"

My two cents, if a person, girl or guy, has visible injuries its moved beyond just kinky. Im not accusimg EVOL of anything btw, rather letting him know the line is thin and he should be very careful towhen tap dancing on it like the Temptations

[demonrail666]

Originally Posted by EVOLghost

maybe demonrail was onto something.

???

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by Bytor Peltor

EVOLGHOST - maybe deaf dude is hot for your girl?

yes

Originally Posted by SuchFriendsAreDangerous

Why is everybody mad at that dude for being concerned? Girl comes to school with visible bruises im gonna call her man out too yo! Its funny, every body wanted to crucify ray rice until its your friend that maybe victim of abuse, then its "they should mind their business?"

My two cents, if a person, girl or guy, has visible injuries its moved beyond just kinky. Im not accusimg EVOL of anything btw, rather letting him know the line is thin and he should be very careful towhen tap dancing on it like the Temptations

why must you pollute the good?

i guess you're an example of what joaquín and his girl have to watch out for-- the rigid mind, the judgment without knowledge

====

ebolgoats - i was thinking last night after i wrote that some people can't handle different.

e.g. the guy who found out sje's kinky and not battered might be now more weirded out than ever

sometimes it pays to pass for normal-- even though it makes for an inauthentic public life. e.g. how gay people used to be forced to live closeted.

but a little camouflage can go a long way in some situations where a threat is best avoided.

best wishes to you & your girl don't let the prudes ruin your fun. maybe there are books out there on how to deal with squares, or maybe write to dan savage about what to do, ha ha-- no seriously. i like dan savage.

[Rob Instigator]

if you are bruising your woman you are doing it wrong.

[SuchFriendsAreDangerous]

!@#$! Now you're judging me as a prude?

I ain't judging nothing yo. Just kicking facts. A) the dude at the girl's school has every right to be concerned he doesn't know what is going on but he sees a girl with bruises. If EVERY person who saw a girl with bruises asked about it shit there might not be so many abused women..

B) i ain't got no moral issues with they're doing but the risk is real so personally id advise against it all moral assumptions aside. What is the risk? Firstly that her friends or family don't know what is going on and will either make it difficult for the couple or worse get the law involved. Or coworkers or schoolmates will do the same, and "we're just kinkyb doesn't always turn away Office Fuck That Shit.. in CA at least if a cop sees visible injuries he can arrest people and file DV charges no questions asked.

So again, my warning has shit to do with moral judgment rather advising about the real risks. Hate to see our friend ostracized by his folks or worse in jail over some kinky shit

[Rob Instigator]

I'd ask what kind of childhood trauma causes a reaction in someone that makes them prefer sexualized pain and suffering.

[SuchFriendsAreDangerous]

Originally Posted by Rob Instigator

I'd ask what kind of childhood trauma causes a reaction in someone that makes them prefer sexualized pain and suffering.

There is that too but "it ain't my business" and i ain't asking..

 

"My name is Paul and this shit is between y'all"

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by Rob Instigator

if you are bruising your woman you are doing it wrong.

not if she likes it you're not. it's not like he's giving her a black eye, is he?

Originally Posted by SuchFriendsAreDangerous

!@#$! Now you're judging me as a prude?

of course, you know you are. own it.

i get your concerns, that this might invite misunderstanding and social trouble-- i do get that.

but the issue is not to stop having fun-- the issue is how to keep the oglers from ogling and the busybodies from interfering.

see for example-- marijuana smoking is illegal. but you'll be the first one to recommend it. even though it can get people in trouble, jail, extortion, who knows what else, you can't stop recommending it. and i think you're even against legalization.

and what they're doing is not even illegal-- they're two consenting adults, there's no law against what they do.

as you would say "you're showing your bias". pro-illegal-weed, anti-legal-sex.

be concerned instead with the social aspect of keeping an alternative lifestyle of sorts rather than trying to scare them. e.g. "wear long sleeves, kids".

the solution to all that is maybe to get famous instead:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/0..._n_449321.html

Originally Posted by Rob Instigator

I'd ask what kind of childhood trauma causes a reaction in someone that makes them prefer sexualized pain and suffering.

that's some cheap psychoanalysis. i really don't think they're waterboarding each other! are they?

a little adrenaline goes a long way.

you know people stand in line for hours to get on a rollercoaster, yes?

[Rob Instigator]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/0..._n_449321.html



that's some cheap psychoanalysis. i really don't think they're waterboarding each other! are they?

a little adrenaline goes a long way.

you know people stand in line for hours to get on a rollercoaster, yes?

rollercoasters are the illusion of danger and pain.

actually hurting someone willingly during sex, for the purpose of making the sex better? That is not something that just happens. In my 42 years I have yet to find someone who engages in "risky" sex (bruising, degradation, painful insertions, extreme bondage, sadism, random sex with strangers) that does not do so to either mask, justify, hide, repress, or compartmentalize prior trauma. When this is the only way for someone to get sexual satisfaction? EVEN MORE SO.


what consensual adults do in the sex act, as long as it is mutually agreed, is none of my business, but that does not mean that the impetus behind such sex acts is drawn purely from sexual fun.

Ask around.

[SuchFriendsAreDangerous]

Originally Posted by !@#$%!

not if she likes it you're not. it's not like he's giving her a black eye, is he?



of course, you know you are. own it.

What is hilarious is you couldn't be further from the truth, but you love projecting so i will leave you with yourself .

i get your concerns, that this might invite misunderstanding and social trouble-- i do get that.

I think you THINK you get it, but I'm not sure you really "get it"

but the issue is not to stop having fun-- the issue is how to keep the oglers from ogling and

The issue much more complex than that but hey, i know, its rare for you to totally have no idea what you are talking about so maybe you're not sure what to actually say then..

pro-illegal-weed, anti-legal-sex.

More projecting i see? I'm not necessarily against what their doing so much as expressing my sincere concerns.

[SuchFriendsAreDangerous]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Rob Instigator again

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by Rob Instigator

rollercoasters are the illusion of danger and pain.

actually hurting someone willingly during sex, for the purpose of making the sex better? That is not something that just happens. In my 42 years I have yet to find someone who engages in "risky" sex (bruising, degradation, painful insertions, extreme bondage, sadism, random sex with strangers) that does not do so to either mask, justify, hide, repress, or compartmentalize prior trauma. When this is the only way for someone to get sexual satisfaction? EVEN MORE SO.


what consensual adults do in the sex act, as long as it is mutually agreed, is none of my business, but that does not mean that the impetus behind such sex acts is drawn purely from sexual fun.

Ask around.

a lot of rough sex play is just the illusion of danger and pain-- nobody gets actually harmed.

and in my own experience the people with trauma are very afraid of risky-anything. they flip out at the first flashback.

so there you go, neither your experience nor mine are universal

i get that there are pathological extremes, i do, but i'm not asking goatbols for details of his sex life to judge it under a microscope.

AND there is no such thing as "purely from sexual fun." that would imply that sexual fun is some kind of ethereal thing like anges tickling each other's wings, with no earthly connection.

sexual tastes vary wildly and we don't need a bedroom police. next we're going to be discussing "unnatural" sex practices.

 

[SuchFriendsAreDangerous]

This is really none of our business aside from simply warning our friend to be careful and cautious. A lot of "fun" things and "fun" people unfortunately can also totally wreck lives.. hence warnings of heeding caution. That is all i have to add, as you said, they iz grown so i will let them take care of themselves but i try to at least warn my friends when they are getting into risky situations.

Oh yeah, and bedroom police are perfectly reasonable some people fuck children and others rape people so just because "they think its fun" doesn't make it ok no matter how much Foucault you read yo

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by SuchFriendsAreDangerous

This is really none of our business aside from simply warning our friend to be careful and cautious. A lot of "fun" things and "fun" people unfortunately can also totally wreck lives.. hence warnings of heeding caution. That is all i have to add, as you said, they iz grown so i will let them take care of themselves but i try to at least warn my friends when they are getting into risky situations.

fine, but i NEVER hear you tell people to be cautious when it comes to illegal weed. if you were equally fair with all risky situations i'd say "there's mr. suchfriends the prudent" but in fact your risk assessment is biased.

Originally Posted by SuchFriendsAreDangerous

Oh yeah, and bedroom police are perfectly reasonable some people fuck children and others rape people so just because "they think its fun" doesn't make it ok no matter how much Foucault you read yo

who is fucking children now?!?!??! this is like godwin's law w/ internet discussions and nazism.

now all sex that is not [missionary/hetero/vanilla/for reproductive purposes] instantly evokes child rape.

great job, internet!

(ps- foucault is un-fucking-readable, much less in bad translations)

[SuchFriendsAreDangerous]

Actually ive told plenty of people to be cautious about weed, evol included, but thanks for playing.

Also you're projecting again, i didn't intend to connect s&m with rape molesting rather to refute your blanket statement that we don't need bedroom police and that because people enjoy certain things ots none of our business where as some people clearly enjoy things that are very much our business.

Now again, what evol does is his business but i would be more cautious if i was him. Life gets wrecked in an instant