[porkmarras]

For the girls:do you expect your sexual patner to produce one before sexual intercourse?I would hope that most of the answers are 'Of Course!' as i get the impression that with some folks it is not always the case.

[Tokolosh]

No, and I have my reasons for that.

[cryptowonderdruginvogue]

Dear Alice, My girlfriend and I have begun having sex recently. The first few times we did, we used condoms. Lately, we haven't. I always pull out before I come. Is this still safe? Is it safe to re-enter after this? Someone told me that if we don't want to use a condom, we should use a spermicide. Is this safe by itself? I appreciate all that help. Thanx.



Dear Reader,
Safe in what way? Two issues need to be considered: sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and pregnancy. Let's take STIs first — the answer is NO! A condom will help prevent the spread of most STIs, provided you wear it the entire time you are having sex. Putting a condom on at some point after you've already been inside, but before you reach orgasm, is not an effective disease-prevention method. Most disease-causing microorganisms do not depend on ejaculation for transmission.
STIs may not be an issue if both of you were virgins before this relationship, or if both of you were tested for STIs before you started having sex with each other. If you don't fall under either of these categories, you can be screened for STIs. Columbia students can do this at Health Services at Columbia (x4-2284). A primary health care provider or an STI clinic are two other options for testing.
If you are concerned about pregnancy, pulling out (a.k.a., withdrawal) is not the most reliable or forgiving form of contraception. Re-inserting your penis after you've ejaculated (outside the vagina) is not safe either. Within the first few hours after ejaculation, there is usually some sperm left in the urethra. The amount left behind is nowhere near the amount of sperm in the typical ejaculate, but it still presents a risk.
Spermicides, used alone, have the highest failure rates of all methods of birth control — even higher than withdrawal! If pregnancy prevention is important to you, spermicide alone is not the best contraceptive for you. However, you could use a spermicide in addition to withdrawal. The spermicide would offer a "back-up" in the event that you do not pull out in time. Spermicides come in many forms — foams, creams, jellies, suppositories, and vaginal contraceptive films. Some spermicides are made specifically for use with diaphragms, cervical caps, and IUDs, while other spermicides have been adapted for use alone. Most drug stores and pharmacies sell a variety of spermicides — you and your girlfriend may want to experiment with a few to find one that works best. Of course, as with any contraceptive, make sure you read the directions carefully, especially since spermicides have a time frame within which they are effective.
As a primary means of contraception, withdrawal has several disadvantages. First, there's the pre-ejaculate fluid (pre-cum) on which withdrawal will have no effect since it's released well before you ejaculate. This fluid may contain sperm and, thus, it does present a risk of pregnancy. Next, and perhaps more important, is the issue of consistency and self-control. Can you be perfectly consistent at withdrawing each time you have sex? If not, then what's done is done. Of course, you do have the option of emergency contraception (the Emergency Contraception Hotline is 1.888.NOT.2.LATE).
However, on the positive side, withdrawal does have its advantages. It's free, always available, and free of side effects. Second, no side effects are associated with this form of contraception. Estimated failure rate for typical use (meaning you're not totally consistent) is around 20 percent. When practiced perfectly, some researchers estimate the failure rate to be around 5 percent. This means 5 to 20 women out of every 100 who use withdrawal as their contraceptive method get pregnant.
If you haven't already, perhaps you and your girlfriend could talk about your concerns and work toward reaching a mutual decision on what form(s) of contraception and/or safer sex you both want to use. Besides the issue of STIs, you need to assess how much risk you're willing to take. Talk about what each of you thinks you would do if a pregnancy occurred. Withdrawal is definitely more risky than, say, the Pill. But, if both of you are okay and comfortable with the risk involved, then you may decide that withdrawal is a good method for you. To make a decision like this, it is helpful to have as much information as possible. You could speak with a health care provider about your contraceptive options and choices. You will also find many questions related to birth control in Alice's Sexual Health archive.
Stay safe!
Alice

[Pookie]

No, that's why we keep having babies.

[Onani Nic]

always

[porkmarras]

Originally Posted by Pookie

No, that's why we keep having babies.

I assume that some of them will be given up for adoption to Madonna and some Hollywood stars?

[sonicl]

If Pookie's giving up his babies for adoption, then I want first refusal on Kitty!

[alteredcourse]

NO !!!!
my dad doesnt like them .

[jon boy]

yes i do. not that i am some ind of lothario who gets it all the time.

[wax]

of course, but i find most girls are less bothered about it than me. whenever i dont use one (which isnt often) i get crazy paranoid about my sexual health after.
after all, if the girl you are sleeping with isnt fussed whether or not you wear one, then her sexual health is in question.
im not as bothered in japan though. it may just be an illusion, but i perceive japanese girls as clean. im probably wrong though. completely wrong.

[porkmarras]

Originally Posted by wax

of course, but i find most girls are less bothered about it than me. whenever i dont use one (which isnt often) i get crazy paranoid about my sexual health after.
after all, if the girl you are sleeping with isnt fussed whether or not you wear one, then her sexual health is in question.
im not as bothered in japan though. it may just be an illusion, but i perceive japanese girls as clean. im probably wrong though. completely wrong.

Yes i'm afraid you are wrong on this one,wax.That same assumption is responsable for a huge rise in STIs in heterosexuals every year.I'd say be careful with that.

[sonicl]

Do you mean because they need to take viagra or else they couldn't (ahem) "get it up", or because they take it to enhance "it" when "it" is already "up"?

[Pookie]

Originally Posted by Nefeli

sorry to change bit the subject. but have you heard of many incidents of men in their 30ties taking viagra? (be strong, dont take it personally!)

Points for the strangest question ever.

[sonicl]

Actually the answer's the same for both - no.

[Pookie]

It's not the kind of thing people (men) would, ahem, raise in polite company, you strange woman.

[Toilet & Bowels]

Originally Posted by wax

im not as bothered in japan though. it may just be an illusion, but i perceive japanese girls as clean. im probably wrong though. completely wrong.

you are completely wrong, if i had more time right now i'd look for some facts to quote but the rate of STDs among japanese is much much higher than you would think.

i don't use condoms as often as i ought to, but generally speaking i do use them.

[Pookie]

What kinds of stories?

[sonicl]

Judging by the amount of spam emails selling Viagra that we get coming into our in-boxes where I work, its use as a performance-enhancer among the already able is very very popular.

[Gulasch Noir]

No. I have a girlfriend now, so I don't need to. I remember last spring, I had a one night stand and didn't use a condom. I really should have used one, because it was really obvious that she lives promiscuously. The result was three months of suspense. Then I took an aids-test and, thank god, it was negative.

[sonic sphere]

i wear them but haven't had any reason to for about 6 months! god damn