[ZEROpumpkins]

deleted

[atsonicpark]

Unfortunately, I can't help, as I've pretty much felt the same way for at least 6 years now. I just have to keep distracting myself with other things to spend my time on to keep my mind from wandering.... drugs helped me a bit. But I dunno. My life is all about small victories.

[ZEROpumpkins]

At the very least you have a girlfriend though, right? Do you talk to her about that kind of stuff?

[pbradley]

This may sound like existential bullshit, but life demands a revolution every so often. Stand up to the monotony and do something about it. I don't know if you have the patience left to wait for a vacation or something but you need to go somewhere you've never been to, meet people you've never met, and do stuff you've never done. Once you've filled up on your life, you can return to your grind from a new perspective.

[ZEROpumpkins]

Thanks, I think more than anything I want to meet people. People that don't like miles away like the ones I know (my school is in the city).

Problem is I have no way of meeting new people. I can't just say "hey" to the girl on the bus or anything like that.

[_slavo_]

sway was right, find something that would amuse you and make you feel productive.
I mean, get a portable recording device, walk around the countryside, record sounds and make a kickass field recording ambient record. or get an old camera in the pawn shop and try to make some nice pictures.
You know, my life is a routine too. Everyone's life is a routine, pretty much (except crypto's). The thing is, you have to find ways to escape the dullness and make your life a bit more colourful. What I do to escape the 9-to-5 work life plus bore on weekends, is that I make music, I read, I take long trips with my girlfriend, I try to take pictures, I travel whenever I have enough time and money to do so, etc etc.
Life's in your hands, man.
Why don't you find new mates at your school? Why don't you start a band or something?

[davenotdead]

do something you wouldn't do.

make eyes at a bakery girl.

start running/ get in shape. endorphins make you happy

[_slavo_]

Originally Posted by swa(y)

nah...everyones life is routine for the most part...including cryptos. i mean...the subject matter of 90% of his photos is always the same.

i was kidding with the crypto part, y'know

[davenotdead]

dude you live in sydney. so many babes live there.

go to the beach and scout models. find tall hot girls and ask them if they model, if they say no, then make up an agency name

[Death & the Maiden]

My life sounds a bit similar to yours ZERO, except for the suicide bit, I'm more afraid that one day I'll explode because something will happen and everything will come out at once. I make sure there are things to look forward to, goals, things that make life fun - learning new instruments, learning another language, new Doctor Who episodes, the knowledge that in a few months I'll have found a band that interests me like only a few previously have.

Most of my time is spent either at school, doing work or being lost in my thoughts, and at home composing, listening to music and finding things that interest me. That bit about you not being able to say hello to the girl at school, I'm like that too (I wish I wasn't), which is why I don't really have a lot of friends, but I don't let it bother me anymore.

[atsonicpark]

Originally Posted by ZEROpumpkins

At the very least you have a girlfriend though, right? Do you talk to her about that kind of stuff?

She doesn't want to talk about this kind of stuff. Also, we've been together 6 years and she still, somehow, doesn't know if I'm the "one" and all this other bullshit that brings even more stress into my life.

[terminal pharmacy]

work out why you have lost all of your motivation and do something about it... then move to melbourne, sydney bites ass and is the worst most depressing city in australia.

[ZEROpumpkins]

Melbourne has better people, that's true. I feel a bit restricted living with my folks, they're actually really flexible when it comes to going out and stuff, but there's no places around me that make me happy. Where I live is incredibly depressing simply because it is so boring. Everything that was here that used to make me happy as a kid is gone. I hold my childhood very dear because of how blissfully happy I was (and hey, not many kids weren't) but it seems that it was some kind of dream now; my family friends moved out years ago, they tore down the pool I used to swim in, paved over the parks I used to play in, dozed the shopping centre I used to visit every week to help my dad with the shopping etc.

Also I don't have any money. I teach guitar to about 2 people, and all my attempts at advertising my lessons go unnoticed (which is weird, given I charge $15/h). If I had some money maybe I could check out some new music, or save for a holiday, and eventually, move out.

I have my goals set out but the path to them seems to promise more of the same. On top of that, I have a lot of school work to do between now and then. School work that decides weather or not I get a good job.

I really appreciate the advice, all of you. Helps put things into perspective, for sure. I know one day I'll dig through and find this thread and laugh about how much things have changed.

[terminal pharmacy]

Originally Posted by ZEROpumpkins

Melbourne has better people, that's true. I feel a bit restricted living with my folks, they're actually really flexible when it comes to going out and stuff, but there's no places around me that make me happy. Where I live is incredibly depressing simply because it is so boring. Everything that was here that used to make me happy as a kid is gone. I hold my childhood very dear because of how blissfully happy I was (and hey, not many kids weren't) but it seems that it was some kind of dream now; my family friends moved out years ago, they tore down the pool I used to swim in, paved over the parks I used to play in, dozed the shopping centre I used to visit every week to help my dad with the shopping etc.

Also I don't have any money. I teach guitar to about 2 people, and all my attempts at advertising my lessons go unnoticed (which is weird, given I charge $15/h). If I had some money maybe I could check out some new music, or save for a holiday, and eventually, move out.

I have my goals set out but the path to them seems to promise more of the same. On top of that, I have a lot of school work to do between now and then. School work that decides weather or not I get a good job.

I really appreciate the advice, all of you. Helps put things into perspective, for sure. I know one day I'll dig through and find this thread and laugh about how much things have changed.

i never finished school, and still got into university when i was 24, between highschool and then i worked in records stores bummed around got hammered every single day... you dont have to decide what you are going to do with your life, life is a very transient thing so don't put so much value on the small things. i grew up in a shitty suburb that had nothing as well but i made the most of it and went to the city 4 or 5 nights a week when i was 15 and onward. granted it was much easier to get into pubs back then. you wont miss highschool at all, i havent seen anyone i went to highschool with in 13 years and that is wonderful, they were all a bunch of tools and teen pregnancies anyway.

[ploesj]

it's been said before, but everything becomes a routine at some point. the point is not to give in to that and keep doing new stuff. go away from home and the city you're used to for a while, and you'll feel like a happy jolly newborn full of life.

ok maybe that's a bit too optimistic.

[ZEROpumpkins]

no ploesj you're exactly right. I want to get away from where I've lived all my life, but it will not be soon. There's so much to do between now and then...

[gmku]

As someone who grew up Catholic and who was immersed in ritual, I find routine comforting. If I don't have enough routine, I start to feel a bit nuts. My problem, often, is challenging myself to get out of my comfort zone and try new things. Once I do, I'm glad I did.

But I'll echo what others have said:

1. Find a creative outlet.

2. Get some physical exercise.

[phoenix]

Drugs and drinking heavily?

Become a hermit?

[phoenix]

Originally Posted by ZEROpumpkins

I will kill myself sometime soon if something does not change. Seriously.

as if that would fix anything. You'll be even more lonely then. coffins are sleeps one only.

[gmku]

One thing I've noticed is that teenagers often have a hard time seeing that there's an endpoint to their bad circumstances or depression or whatever. I'd also suggest seeing a doctor and getting on some kind of mild anti-depressant. I went on something mild myself back in January because I felt very "flat," everything very grey and blah. Within weeks I was feeling alive again.