i think ive done something stupid.

doctor dan · 04.04.2006, 07:32 PM

at university, one of the first things the accommodation people tell you NOT to do is get a hosue with yr girlfriend. low and behold, after we signed the contracts to ourhouse for next year, ive started to go out with my future housemate. im terrified that this is a really dumb idea, as if we have a fight or anything, itll be horrible for all concerned (theres 3 other people in the house). I really like her, and im really happy and comfortable in the relationship with her, but im worried that im being stupid by planning to live in the house with her.

am i an idiot? bare in mind that we all agreed to move in together before we started going out...

soapbars · 04.04.2006, 07:44 PM

why are you asking us?

ask her what she feels about it,
its between the two of you, and no two people are the same and no amount of experience or wisdom can advise you correctly,

just say to her what youve just wrote here and maybe she'll understand your concern and be happy to continue in the relationship,

i hope thats helped,

val-holla-ing · 04.04.2006, 07:58 PM

i live with my girlfriend now, and just like any couple we fight. but when it comes down to it, if we broke up, she'd just have to move into the smaller room, because we're both on the lease for the apartment.

my advice to you: deal with it, because you've already made the decision.

johnnywinternoshow · 04.04.2006, 08:00 PM

if there's more than just the 2 of you in the house you should be ok cus it wont just be the 2 of you 24/7 if you do break up unless it's a particularily hard break up or the others in the house take sides

Savage Clone · 04.04.2006, 08:08 PM

If it makes you feel any better, I moved into my 1st apt. with my girlfriend when we were barely 19 (we had been together for a year and a half, and I transferred back to my hometown from an out of town college because I couldn't stand the distance from her), and we are still together now. The only difference is she is my wife and not my girlfriend anymore.
The point is, this was in 1989, so things can work out for the good in this regard.
I never lived in an apartment with anyone besides her either...

!@#$%! · 04.04.2006, 08:57 PM

hm, i think this is a difficult situation because the couple dynamics are compounded by the roommate situation.

you two are bound to become a "power center" & vulnerable to triangulation by other people-- or get into an "us against them" situation. or get jealousy from other people if you get along well. countless things.

so i think you're going to be navigating treacherous waters both socially and psychologically. however-- you're stuck with it at this point, and treacherous waters doesn't mean sinking ship. just see it as a learning experience & get smart with it.

and have an escape plan ready if things ever get so nasty they interfere with your studies

now-- i don't meant to sound like a doomsayer-- i'm an optimist who likes to prepare for the worst. it's easier to relax when your ass (or your "arse" you'd say?) is covered.

but whatever happens, you have to live your own life. trust your instincts--

Iain · 04.05.2006, 02:16 AM

Yeah, don't assume it's turn out bad. A friend of mine started going out with a housemate (in a shared house of 3) and they'd all decided that 'relationships' betweem any of them would be a bad idea. They kept it secret from the other girl that lived with them for ages but it was fine when they told her in the end and now they are married and expecting a baby.

Soundtrax · 04.05.2006, 02:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by doctor dan

at university, one of the first things the accommodation people tell you NOT to do is get a hosue with yr girlfriend. low and behold, after we signed the contracts to ourhouse for next year, ive started to go out with my future housemate. im terrified that this is a really dumb idea, as if we have a fight or anything, itll be horrible for all concerned (theres 3 other people in the house). I really like her, and im really happy and comfortable in the relationship with her, but im worried that im being stupid by planning to live in the house with her.

am i an idiot? bare in mind that we all agreed to move in together before we started going out...

why shouldnt you get a house with yr your girlfriend, thats just stupid! you are at university, its not like you're 10 years old or something. just go ahead with the revolution and have a house with your girlfriend, you shouldnt give a fuck about what the rulez are!

SpectralJulianIsNotDead · 04.05.2006, 10:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soundtrax

why shouldnt you get a house with yr your girlfriend, thats just stupid! you are at university, its not like you're 10 years old or something. just go ahead with the revolution and have a house with your girlfriend, you shouldnt give a fuck about what the rulez are!

You don't get it, living together can be the death nail on a relationship. Also I think he might be worried that they might have a bad breakup and then have to live together.

Doctor Dan, hopefully it works out for the best for you.

Toilet & Bowels · 04.05.2006, 11:46 AM

my housemate told me she's in love with me... which was the last thing i needed. i'm not attracted to her at all.

04.04.2006, 07:32 PM	#1
doctor dan bad moon rising Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: bath spa, uk/ nottingham, uk Posts: 157	at university, one of the first things the accommodation people tell you NOT to do is get a hosue with yr girlfriend. low and behold, after we signed the contracts to ourhouse for next year, ive started to go out with my future housemate. im terrified that this is a really dumb idea, as if we have a fight or anything, itll be horrible for all concerned (theres 3 other people in the house). I really like her, and im really happy and comfortable in the relationship with her, but im worried that im being stupid by planning to live in the house with her. am i an idiot? bare in mind that we all agreed to move in together before we started going out... __________________ IT FIT WHEN I WAS A KID
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

04.04.2006, 07:44 PM	#2
soapbars the destroyed room Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Teesside, England Posts: 559	why are you asking us? ask her what she feels about it, its between the two of you, and no two people are the same and no amount of experience or wisdom can advise you correctly, just say to her what youve just wrote here and maybe she'll understand your concern and be happy to continue in the relationship, i hope thats helped,
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

04.04.2006, 07:58 PM	#3
val-holla-ing invito al cielo Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: baton rouge. the 225, big raggedy. Posts: 2,731	i live with my girlfriend now, and just like any couple we fight. but when it comes down to it, if we broke up, she'd just have to move into the smaller room, because we're both on the lease for the apartment. my advice to you: deal with it, because you've already made the decision.
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

04.04.2006, 08:00 PM	#4
johnnywinternoshow the end of the ugly Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Belfast Posts: 1,006	if there's more than just the 2 of you in the house you should be ok cus it wont just be the 2 of you 24/7 if you do break up unless it's a particularily hard break up or the others in the house take sides
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

04.04.2006, 08:08 PM	#5
Savage Clone invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 11,290	If it makes you feel any better, I moved into my 1st apt. with my girlfriend when we were barely 19 (we had been together for a year and a half, and I transferred back to my hometown from an out of town college because I couldn't stand the distance from her), and we are still together now. The only difference is she is my wife and not my girlfriend anymore. The point is, this was in 1989, so things can work out for the good in this regard. I never lived in an apartment with anyone besides her either...
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

04.04.2006, 08:57 PM	#6
!@#$%! invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: mars attacks Posts: 42,581	hm, i think this is a difficult situation because the couple dynamics are compounded by the roommate situation. you two are bound to become a "power center" & vulnerable to triangulation by other people-- or get into an "us against them" situation. or get jealousy from other people if you get along well. countless things. so i think you're going to be navigating treacherous waters both socially and psychologically. however-- you're stuck with it at this point, and treacherous waters doesn't mean sinking ship. just see it as a learning experience & get smart with it. and have an escape plan ready if things ever get so nasty they interfere with your studies now-- i don't meant to sound like a doomsayer-- i'm an optimist who likes to prepare for the worst. it's easier to relax when your ass (or your "arse" you'd say?) is covered. but whatever happens, you have to live your own life. trust your instincts--
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

04.05.2006, 02:16 AM	#7
Iain invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 2,544	Yeah, don't assume it's turn out bad. A friend of mine started going out with a housemate (in a shared house of 3) and they'd all decided that 'relationships' betweem any of them would be a bad idea. They kept it secret from the other girl that lived with them for ages but it was fine when they told her in the end and now they are married and expecting a baby.
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

04.05.2006, 11:46 AM	#10
Toilet & Bowels invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Northern Europe Posts: 12,273	my housemate told me she's in love with me... which was the last thing i needed. i'm not attracted to her at all.
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