[demonrail666]

Happy Birthday Philip. Ninety years of pure comedy gold.

 

1. "Ghastly."
Prince Philip's opinion of Beijing on a 1986 tour.


2. "Ghastly."
His opinion of Stoke-on-Trent, in 1997.


3. "Deaf? If you're near there, no wonder you are deaf."
Said to a group of deaf children standing near a Caribbean steel drum band in 2000.


4. "If you stay here much longer, you will go home with slitty eyes."
To a British student during his 1986 visit to China.


5. "You managed not to get eaten then?"
To a British student who had trekked in Papua New Guinea, during a 1998 official visit.


6. "You can't have been here that long -- you haven't got a pot belly."

To a British tourist during a tour of Budapest, 1993.

7. "How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?"
Asked of a Scottish driving instructor in 1995.


8. "I have never been noticeably reticent about talking on subjects about which I know nothing."
Addressing a group of industrialists in 1961.


9. "It looks as though it was put in by an Indian."
The Duke's verdict on a fuse box during a tour of a Scottish factory in 1999.


10. "I didn't want a bloody lecture."
To Jamie Durie at the 2008 Chelsea Flower Show, after Durie had corrected his misidentification of a plant.


11. "We don't come here for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves."
During a trip to Canada in 1976.


12. "A few years ago, everybody was saying we must have more leisure, everyone's working too much. Now that everybody's got more leisure time they are complaining they are unemployed. People don't seem to make up their minds what they want."
On Britain's 1981 recession.


13. "British women can't cook."
To the Scottish Women's Institute in 1961.


14. "Your country is one of the most notorious centres of trading in endangered species."
Accepting a conservation award in Thailand in 1991.


15. "What do you gargle with -- pebbles?"
To Tom Jones after the 1969 Royal Variety Performance.


16. "It's a vast waste of space."
At the reception for a new 18 million pound British embassy in Berlin, which the Queen had just opened.


17. "There's a lot of your family in tonight."
After glancing at businessman Atul Patel's name tag during a 2009 Buckingham Palace reception for 400 influential British Indians.


18. "If it has four legs and it is not a chair, if it has two wings and flies but is not an aeroplane, and if it swims and it is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it."
Addressing a World Wildlife Fund meeting in 1986.


19. "You are a woman, aren't you?"
To a woman in Kenya in 1984, after accepting a gift.


20. "Do you know they have eating dogs for the anorexic now?"
To a wheelchair-bound Susan Edwards and her guide dog in 2002.


21. "If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats?"
In an interview after the Dunblane shootings in 1996.


22. "Get me a beer. I don't care what kind it is, just get me a beer!"
On being offered the finest Italian wines by PM Giuliano Amato at a dinner in Rome in 2000.


23. "I would like to go to Russia very much -- although the bastards murdered half my family."
In 1967, asked if he would like to visit the Soviet Union.


24. "Oh, it's you that owns that ghastly car, is it? We often see it when driving to Windsor Castle."
To neighbour Elton John after hearing he had sold his Watford Football Club-themed Aston Martin in 2001.


25. "The problem with London is the tourists. They cause the congestion. If we could just stop the tourism, we could stop the congestion."
At the opening of City Hall in 2002.

 

[Glice]

Many happy returns for the best argument for keeping the monarchy.

Beatrice and Harry: this is your competition. You have about 70 years. (There's no point pretending any of the other royals are going to be interesting).

I watched the documentary earlier. Brilliant, brilliant man.

[EVOLghost]

 

[demonrail666]

Originally Posted by Glice

I watched the documentary earlier. Brilliant, brilliant man.

Excellent. I just watched it. He came across brilliantly. Far sharper and more intimidating than I imagined. I actually found the part about his decision to comfort William by joining him in the procession behind Diana's coffin quite moving.

Originally Posted by Glice

Beatrice and Harry: this is your competition. You have about 70 years. (There's no point pretending any of the other royals are going to be interesting).

I dunno, I see great comedy coming from Charles in the future; by all accounts another one who doesn't suffer fools gladly, and with strong views he doesn't mind sharing.

[Glice]

He's a bit of a bunny-hugger though, isn't he?

[demonrail666]

Hahaha. Very true.

[nicfit]

 

racists.

[floatingslowly]

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UKunts.

I'm taking back Sonic Youth.

[Glice]

Oh, please don't take back the band that haven't been within a country mile of a decent tune this century! What will we do without them?

[deflinus]

Originally Posted by EVOLghost

 

this

[floatingslowly]

Originally Posted by Glice

Oh, please don't take back the band that haven't been within a country mile of a decent tune this century! What will we do without them?

^^^ this post was obviously crafted by a ghastly pot-bellied Paki woman.

successful U MAD BRO? is moderately successful.

[demonrail666]

More Philip:

26. "We didn't have counsellors rushing around every time somebody let off a gun, asking 'Are you all right -- are you sure you don't have a ghastly problem?' You just got on with it!"
On stress counselling for servicemen, in a TV documentary marking the 50th anniversary of VJ Day in 1995.


27. "Aren't most of you descended from pirates?"
Cayman Islands, 1994.


28. "You must be out of your minds."
To Solomon Islanders in 1982, on being told population growth was 5 per cent a year.


29. "And what exotic part of the world do you come from?"
Asked in 1999 of Tory politician Lord Taylor of Warwick, whose parents are Jamaican. He replied: "Birmingham."

30. "The French don't know how to cook breakfast."
After a breakfast of bacon, eggs, smoked salmon, kedgeree, croissants and pain au chocolat -- from Gallic chef Regis Crepy -- in 2002.

31. "Ah you're the one who wrote the letter. So you can write then? Ha, ha! Well done."
Meeting 14-year-old George Barlow, who invited the Queen to visit Romford, Essex, in 2003.


32. "Do you still throw spears at each other?"
To Aboriginal leader William Brim at the Tjapukai Aboriginal Cultural Park in Queensland, 2002.

33. "Were you here in the bad old days? . . . That's why you can't read and write then!"
To parents during a visit to a Sheffield school with a poor academic reputation.


34. "Where's the Southern Comfort?"
On being presented with a hamper of southern goods by the American ambassador in London in 1999.


35. "Were you here in the bad old days? . . . That's why you can't read and write then!"
To parents during a visit to a Sheffield school with a poor academic reputation.


36. "So who's on drugs here? . . . He looks as if he's on drugs."
To a 14-year-old member of a Bangladeshi youth club in 2002.


37. "You could do with losing a little bit of weight."
To 13-year-old would-be astronaut Andrew Adams.


38. "You have mosquitoes. I have the press."
To the matron of a hospital in the Caribbean in 1966.


39. "Any bloody fool can lay a wreath at the thingamy."
Discussing his role in an interview with the BBC's Jeremy Paxman.


40. "People think there's a rigid class system here, but dukes have even been known to marry chorus girls. Some have even married Americans."
In 2000.


41. "No, I would probably end up spitting it out over everybody."
Declining the offer of some fish from Rick Stein's seafood delicatessen in 2000.

42. "Can you tell the difference between them?"
On being told by US President Barack Obama that he'd had breakfast with the leaders of Britain, China and Russia.


43. "I don't know how they are going to integrate in places like Glasgow and Sheffield."
After meeting students from Brunei coming to Britain to study in 1998.


44. "Do people trip over you?"
To a wheelchair-bound nursing-home resident in 2002.


45. "That's a nice tie . . . Do you have any knickers in that material?"
Discussing the tartan designed for the 2010 papal visit with then Scottish Tory leader Annabel Goldie.


46. "Well, you didn't design your beard too well, did you? You really must try better with your beard."
Kindly advice to a young fashion designer in 2009.


47. "Ah, so this is feminist corner then."
Joining a group of female Labour MPs, who were wearing name badges reading "Ms", at a Buckingham Palace drinks party in 2000.


48. "If it doesn't fart or eat hay, she isn't interested." Of his daughter, Princess Anne.


49. "It looks like a tart's bedroom."
On seeing plans for the Duke and then-Duchess of York's house.


50. "My son . . . er . . . owns them."
On being asked in Canada whether he knew the Scilly Isles.

[Pookie]

http://www.sbs.com.au/dateline/story...ing-for-Philip

[EVOLghost]

Originally Posted by Glice

Oh, please don't take back the band that haven't been within a country mile of a decent tune this century! What will we do without them?

twat