[This Is Not Here]

pre-16: Utter crap mostly, I owned a Jeff Buckley album, that says enough. I'm at secondary school, a good studious young man, well behaved, quiet. Never kissed a girl, scrawny young lad who had bearly hit puberty and was far smaller than his mates, dangerously effeminate, crap at sports. Good group of mates, but kids are cruel (particularly at my school) so no one does anything out of the ordinary. I wind up with the best GCSEs in the school, but it doesn't please me whatsoever. Like any spotty masturbating 15 year old I adore Led Zeppelin. My music comes from my parents' in hindsight quite small taste - Zep, Beatles, Kate Bush, bit of Genesis. I pretty much know nothing about music at this point.

16/first year of college: Easily the most lonely year of my life. I found it pretty difficult too make friends. Spend most of my time by myself, studying hard. I become distant from the friends I had at school. My brother leaves to work and live in Africa, our relationship desintigrates entirely. I don't see him at all from then until now accept for a few weeks each year. Left with just my parents. But this is also most important year of my life in terms of making me who I am now. Firstly I discover music I have a massive passion for; Syd Barrett's Pink Floyd. I become a music fan when I buy (and overlisten too) The Madcap Laughs and Piper At The Gates. I meet a guy at my first ever job who introduces me to the world of alternative music- It's not the same type of alt. music I explore now, but those CDs I bought (which, shockingly for the time, no one had heard of) still mean alot to me today, largely trip hop and turntabalism, Portishead, Massive Attack, N.O.W, some acid jazz and a bit of rap. I also did things which were'nt wise, I got heavily into weed, and spent most of my earning on the stuff. It only makes me more paranoid and socially inept at college.

17/second year of college: A good year, largely for one reason- GIRLS. Or rather 'girl', I get a girlfriend basically. I have my first kiss and loose my virginity in the same year. I love her very much, she understands me and loves me back, and I love being around her because I make her laugh so much. I start hanging around with guys I knew from school again more now, and to my surprise they're fans of this 'alternative music' thing too, ones a little Gothlet and another is a fledgling fan of extreme metal. We hang around eachother's places alot, smoking weed and making eachother mix CDs and then review them. Some of the best times of my life. I still smoke shit loads of weed, and my girlfriend doesn't approve of this. I explore further hip hop and now a bit of alternative rock. I start collecting vinyl, a big move in my approach too music and also my life in general, cos I start blowing all my money on music and not weed, I loose interest in the drug. I'm into hip-hop in a big way now, more rap than before - Tribe, De La, Public Enemy, Common and what have you. Alt rock- MBV, Echo & The Bunnymen, Can, Velvet Underground and my first SY album were bought in this time, though I didn't think much of them at this time. My relationship desintigrates soon after finally taking eachother's virginitys, we go to India for a month and here it becomes apparent it is irrepairable.

18/ Art Foundation course: Can some up this year in 2 words. SONIC LIFE! I become an obbsessive SY fan and spend much of the year blowing my money on their material. I explore Noise-Rock and experimental music further. By this point I think I'm pretty clued up on music, and know whats out there for me. I start clubbing which boosts my confidence hugely, I start enjoying being who I am and feeling interesting for the first time. I start taking class A and class B drugs at clubs, a decision I have yet too regret and defend wholly. I discover the joys of live music. Starting with my first real gig that I go to myself Damo Suzuki's Network and ending with MBV just before I become 19. I discover I am bi-sexual. I do things on my own instead of waiting on my mates, and therefore discover how to meet people and talk to strangers properly. I become an artist rather than an art student, I ace my course and come away from the course with a very strong friendship. Bad end to the year, some heavy shit goes down in my friendship group, I get pretty down, but largely I needed a change of scene after living, studying and working in the same place...

19/Uni- I move out and go to live and study in London. Only been 19 for a few monthes, but so far the uni experience has been awesome, drugs, alcohol, clubbing, boy-nookie, studying art alongside old and new friends. When it isn't great, life is exciting because tomorrow is unexpected and anything can happen. I start truely listening too what I want too rather than what I'm expected too, develop some fucking shameless guilty pleasures life Grace Jones and Be Your Own Pet. Life is good.