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I guess theres a sort of dignity in allowing yourself to last until the natural way gets its way, but you know what, its not like anything but death itself adds up in the end. I'm thinking, I have an immigrant (most likely due to economic circumstances) care worker wiping my ass and rolling me to and from my bed because I cant do it myself nevermind go out, going through the physical motions of being despite my brain having called it quits years ago, no one comes to visit me because I'm not going to have a family and clan to support me and who likes visiting seniors anyway? I live day to day as I always have in a superficial hell playing cards or whatever the fuck waiting for medication, that is IF I AM LUCKY ENOUGH to have a government by then that supports such a thing (which I doubt), reflecting on most likely the worst of shit because my perspective is taken over by the fact that I'm in a shit situation in the present.
Please.
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