[ann ashtray]

I don't believe in a God that speaks in metaphors. I dont believe in a God that speaks at all. I don;t believe in a god that is aware of my individual existence. I don't believe in a god that is aware of anyone's individual existence. I don't believe in a god that wishes to guide or help anyone through anything.

If, if, if there is an afterlife, if there is a god...the absolute only thing that makes sense to my (very feeble/weak/fucked...)mind is a collective conciousness. Something we all become a part of after we become plant + animal food. Something that isn't even worth the time of day to think about because it's something that goes far beyond anyone's understanding of absolutely anything. And I'm not even sayin' I believe that....

I'm a creature of procreaction. I enjoy enjaculating any chance I get...wether alone or w/ someone else. I'm a creature of excess...I enjoy booze and booty and then being left alone.

Heaven, if there is a such thing, to me is looking at my previously deceased friends by my side, and saying "holy shit I'm not too drunk to realize i just witnessed Ron Asheton ask to bum a smoke from Jimi". < that was a joke, me being an idiot. I don't believe that.

I'm a total. fuckin. moron.

I know I will become grass fertilizer. The maggots will love me and need me and lust after my decaying body more than anyone did in this waking/breathin' life.

If I gotta sould, I hope to meet it one day...but I doubt I will.

They say "gotd was just ready to take him home", god's idea of taking my friend was not by throwing him outta car window. He wasn't done. I hope to see 'em again one day, to give em a big hug an soak his shirt in tears and tell em I missed em, but shit...in my mind...doesnt work like that.

If i'm lucky, well become a collective concious...but...we won't be aware of it.