Ask Pookie
 

Since i haven't gone out to get the paper yet,i've decided that pookie shall answer all the important and relevant questions concerning my life and so you should too.Here Pookie gives advice on marriage,mortgage,bank loans,girl/boy problems,gayness,sex and the like.So........
Dear pookie,
I'm feeling a bit frisky.What should i do?

Barbara Antonia

London

Dear Pookie,

My toenails are slightly skew-wiff on my left foot. What should I do?

Yours,

Trevor Mellifluous, Hull.

Find a horny Italian, if that's not a tautology.

Dear Pookie,
My bus is always packed in the morning.Should i start using the tube?

Kind Regards

Roger Erogenous

Turnbridge Wells

I think you'll find that's "skew-whiff" Mr. Mellifluous.

And how do you know it's not the right foot's toenails that are in the wrong?

Dear Pookie,

I have a bizarre obsession with a cock-obsessed fictional internet person. Should I let him bum me?

Yours,

Nigella Lawson.

dear pookie,

my mouth is always very dry and i drink lots of water. can you give me any advice as to how to overcome this?

sue gekalois, wrexham.

No


Yes


Why would you want to overcome drinking lots of water?

Dear Pookie,
I've found an old smelly shoe in the attic the other day.Should i flog it or use it for sexual purposes?

Mariella Butt

Wigan

dear pookie,

i'm not even going to try to be funny, i need money, fast.

gill chesterson

sussex

Dear Pookie,

I sometimes like to have ice with my G & T, sometimes not. Should I?

Yours,

Constantine Clarence-Toppington-Smithington, Burnham.

Use it for flogging.


I'm sorry gill, but if you're not even going to TRY to be funny...


Yes you should sometimes & sometimes not.

And while we're at it, go to the beach in Burnham and deflate the fucking bouncy castle that my daughter broke her ankle on.

dear pookie,

i have a terrible rash on the sould of myright foot. its been there for a few months now, any advice?

richard water, leicester.

Dear Pookie,
I cannae find me glasses.Help!

Yours

Retarda Woollenball

East Ham

(this is becoming my favourite thread)

Generally, the longer you've had a rash, the more likely you need to see a doctor if you're concerned about it. Deciding if that mole you've had on your skin for the past twenty years is looking cancerous or not is something you want an expert to do.

Most of the time a rash that has been present for a couple of days will go away on its own. Warning signs that should send you to the doctor sooner rather than later are pain, rapid swelling causing shortness of breath, bleeding blisters in the mouth or eyes, skin that is rapidly turning dusky or black, and large amounts of skin peeling in sheets.

They'll be in the last place you look.

dear pookie,

i have little to no will power; in fact, i can't gather the energies i need to go to the can whenever nature calls. so my question is, should i buy a can of onion soup to piss while watching the telly?

hassan "butch" al-akrut.

cheesequake, new jersey.

Dear Pookie,

I REFUSE TO DIE. Should I do a duet with Robbie Williams?

Yours,

Bono, in space. That's right, space, that's how rich I am, pauper.

dragi pookie i have a problem!

vec dosta dugo nemam curu,nikako nemogu naći ,u depresiji sam ,sta da radim? niko me neće ,zar sam ružan??
pozdrav ! ! ! you must understand that