i get sad and i contemplate suicide
 

...

life i really absurd and a waste of time

Hayden - please contact me at "the other place" by PM if you need someone to talk to/shout out (genuine offer mate, don't worry about what you want to say :) )

"I cry at night sometimes..
and once contemplated suicide..
but when I held that Nine all I could see was my momma's eye..." Tupac



that line always breaks my heart every time I am feeling overwhelmed, remember our mothers love us with their whole being, and if we live for anything its to honor their love and hopes for us all

are you on something, hayden? or drunk? just going by your typing. i get there too. sometimes it seems easier to end it all but that just makes it harder. i love you, seriously, even if we're just internet friends. message me.

or, if youre trolling, molto bene

stop listening to Merzbow then.

Confide in friends and family, not strangers. You big oaf!

.~~insert childeren to continue¿€

Waste of time? lol

What's the time supose to be about then?

This: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P9o5b...e_gdata_player
Life is about australians, of course.

I have a pictuer for this on my computer....

this has lifted my mood tenfold

Hang in there, Hayden. I am still alive, after all.

If all else is uncertain you can always rely on people from the internet to make light of your problems. I do hope you get through this current difficulty Hayden, be well.

Bless him, the internet and all he did to it wants to see him dead. Poor guy.

God, I sure do miss nik. :'(

pinche hayden, we all contemplate suicide and realize IT'S FUCKING CORNY.

sadness on the other hand can be beautiful. look at yourself in the mirror and make yourself cry. just 1 tear. like johnny depp in crybaby. i know you can.

--

what are you up to these days anyway? making any art? you'd better, you swine. or else! you should act in indie movies.

i don't do any art i don't have the motivation sometimes i write shit but i mostly just listen to xiu xiu and this song is a mess in my bedroom and make fun of rape victims i don't know

:mad: My god if you make me say something nice, I'm going to be terribly angry with you... :mad:

Here Hayden, this is for you:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XscKH7dBg4

I know you like hip-hop. So I hope this helps cheer you up if you get a chance to listen.

Hayden...if it makes you feel any better, I can let you kill me...

Yes me too

The thought comes to mind for me often. I just have to keep goon. I'm really too fucking stubborn to give up.

ah. white people problems! poor baby. yes, nihilism is hell.

maybe if you try helping a (real) rape victim (in a shelter or something, i don't know), your life won't suck so horribly? get off the internet, etc?

Cum is a hassle.
A million little potential lives
soaked up in a sock.
I just want to go to bed.
I don’t want to clean up.

Only Huckleberry Finn got to see his own funeral.

This gentleman did too

And him too.
(one of the best CM sketches btw)

so did hayden off himself or is he just tired of his ego? because i can see how.

You're the most bitterly boring netizen I've ever encountered.

So.edgy!!!______

Fuck you

hahaha

This is how flock mentality expresses itself. Way to stand up to bullshit, sheep.

I'm going to miss you.

Yes. Who else? hayden's not going anywhere and I'll completely forget *4$$%$ within hours.

lol that's not what i meant but that's what happens when i post while intoxicated

i meant that suicide is an ego trip, and the ego is a heavy load to carry.

too jungian?

i don't have any ego i am a parasite, a lazy hydra

not ego in the popular sense, but the idea that you have of what you are, is the ego. it's a mental construct that gets on the way of direct experience of some things (e.g. "i am a lazy hydra"). when it works well it's a handy tool but when it doesn't work it causes pain. people usually get fucked up to get rid of it, but it never leaves completely and then always comes back with the hangover/ comedown-- the coke trip is actually an ego trip vs. psychedelics that blur it. the jesus trip sort of lifts the burden in various degrees depending on theological variations but it depends on maintaining said ego ("individual soul").