i fucking lost my ebt card! fuck man

so, i took some mushrooms/spinach and I threw it into some fusili with Alfredo sauce and turkey meatballs and had a decent dinner. not the Thai peanut noodles level of goodness i can make but bleh. trader joes' 3.99 white wine is pretty good.

zyprexa made my depression worse, and caused weight gain whicj only made things worse on top. it's cool not wanting to talk about it but i offer an ear and hope you can find something that works. alcohol is fantastic but does not cure all.

i getcha.

Talking is good too.. find the balance. We all go through it. We all care for you here.. PM when necessary

thank you, dear.
i try to stay away from pills and pills like drugs, because i know if i ll start, there wont be a stop.
during this hardcore period of..its now 4 months and going, i have taken 4-5 zanax and i dont want it to become a habit.
which is irrelevant to a good drug for tooth pain, so yeah especially today wouldnt mind one or 2 or 3.

i dont know what your exact situation is,
but have done the non-talking to anyone in one of the hardest times of my life and frankly..it messed my head but moreover it made me waste time on decisions i eventually took.
and i really relate to this post of yours and then i feel as i m getting older i have less tolerance in pain especially caused by health troubles of people i love.
and then it all comes to this

and in relation to what you say about internet/privacy,

that one or other way, i (you or whoever) better take some things out, or they ll eat you and top over the real* troubles.

i still use this place to rant, even though it doesnt have the privacy it used to, there is still discretion. if that helps a bit about feeling safe at least here.

all troubles are real.

How to Disappear
1. Sit alone in a public space like a café, garden or public square.
2. Try to shift your focus from the thoughts spinning in your mind to the sounds of the space surrounding you.
3. Consider the sounds that reach your ear, sound by sound, without granting any one sound greater significance than any other.
4. Contemplate the folds and creases of the sounds you now hear. When you hear the voice of a passerby, contemplate its tone and this tone’s depth, not only the meaning of its words. When an annoying car drives past, contemplate the harsh sound of it’s motor and the sonic spectrum of its reverberations. When you hear a distant radio, don’t focus merely on the singer’s voice or the song’s name, but rather contemplate the clarity of its frequency and listen to its static.
5. Prevent these sounds from forming a hierarchy; prevent them from occupying the foreground or retreating to the background. Always remember that you must place all sounds at the same distance from you.
6. You will find that your greatest difficulty is concentrating on the sounds themselves, for the thoughts, impressions, and memories that these sounds conjure up will persistently take over part of your concentration, pushing the real-time sounds to the background. Make sustained efforts to return to the sounds arising in your present moment, for your mission is only to listen to them, not to think about their meanings.
7. As time passes and you steep yourself in what you hear, you will discover an increasing number of sonic details around you. Each of these details will lead you to another; each sound will lead you to a neighboring one. At this point you will find that your inner voice gradually diminishes at the same rate by which you immerse yourself in your sonic environment.
8. When you ultimately succeed in listening to the place in its entirety, you will find that the distance between yourself and the space’s sounds has diminished, and that you have become part of the place. You will find that no one around you notices your presence; everyone will pass by without seeing you.
Haytam El-Wardany

just don't overdo it with the booze.

I promised some friends to join them tonight for Lee Scratch Perry show. Dub Night.
suggestions on how to survive this?

i got sidetracked yesterday and couldn't reply to a bunch of this:


indeed. that's a guarantee of a perpetual income.

but i'm curious about this french lawsuit... france is suing your restaurant???


the thing with tv is, i don't know if it's just my diminishing IQ or a real objective thing but it has gotten so good that to me is the new literature. it is doing on the screen what only the novel used to do. mad men? breaking bad? sopranos? 6 feet under? some of that has some seriously good characters and stories. i'll go ahead and say it--it's good art. and yes it's formally quite conservative, it's not any kind of avant-garde, but nevertheless it's good art, like a XIX century novel.


never heard of the guy but that's a great quote


i've never had such thing as fantastic spatzle. i am however heartened to know that it exists.


i'll skip commenting on iranian politicsin this thread but that vimeo with the pool was great-- will check out the other next

when i got oral surgery done the best pain reliefs for me were

1) ibuprofen - ibuprofen really cut the jaw pain. goes by various brand names, ibuprofen is the drug itself. this is not an opiate and you can buy it over the counter as long as you don't combine it with other stuff the label warns you about.

2) weed - i don't smoke weed regularly for many reasons but i asked a friend for a bit while i was in pain and it was magic. i mean i still felt the pain but what was better was the way my mind handled it. MAGIC. a bit difficult with a big blood clot and stiches in my mouth but there are ways.

what absolutely didn't work for me was opiates. opiates turned me into a whiny shit and made my mind weak so while the pain was probably reduced i actually suffered more. i fucking hate opiates. i was going to flush them down the toilet but i didn't want to pollute the water so i soaked them in water in their jar and left them in the sun decomposing for a year. that shit is poison for the mind.

--

ANYWAY--

i really really really hope you're well.

thank you. i m taking smth that is called brufen..could it be the same?
i m also using it for period pain. its not the heavy dose and it works. better with tooth than period,but then again nothing really works with period/not complaining.
im working, although the little shit aches.

wish you nice saturday evening.


started this today

 

can go on forever with charcoal on canvas. stopping now to make some decisions.

thanks! just having morning coffee but aiming to get there in one piece.

brufen is probably ibuprofen [wikipedia says yes].

for period pain try reflexology. sounds like a joke but it works for temporary relief. for cramps it's a spot on the achilles tendon-- above the heel and below the calf. test around (pinch from the sides, massage) until you hit the spot, then insist. you'll notice one side is more effective than the other.

and thanks for that!!

fantastic spatzle is very real. ooh man, i want some kasha. i like kasha.

re: embarrassing things online. you can pretty much track a serious drinking problem of mine in the past across the internet. no shame in the game.

stephen johnson has a book from 06/07 called "Everything bad is good for you" talking about how we're rather in a golden age of quality media, even with how much shit is out there. he talks about great serial dramas and how they actually sharpen some of our cognitive abilities and feed into our social nature. even more accurate today, i'd say.

a thousand threads- did bernhard write frost? i liked that book

:D

There was so much better potential in the first part. When i first saw it i immediately thought the post going in an entirely different direction.

Yes you are ;)

hahaha. i woulda replied earlier but i was busy watching college bball and helping a friend study. mushrooms never worked too well with me. last time i took mushrooms was entirely by accident after a night of serious drinking (not as much fun as the book) and ended up with me slicing my foot open. so there's that. sorry to disappoint. it was good pasta.

but, tee hee,your post sums up my life thus far.

Waking up in back up an SUV in the parking garage at Moody Gardens on Galveston Island......such a great night of, Mardi Gras. Listening to Sunday morning jazz while awaiting brunch and a bloody marry.

Yes. We're located on the site of the French Cultural Institute owned by French governenment.


and with politics of austerity and everything...
french government wants to sell the whole thing, which includes a public park and our restaurant (the former kitchen of that palais on the picture).
So while we're not actually on french territory (it's not their embassy) the republic of france is our landlord....
and of course, for selling that object, it would be better for them without an inlcuding open-ended leasing contract with a restaurant.

speaking of all that jazz, here's a funny story from last year:
a group of political activists, we now refer to as the pizza punks, semi-legally occupied an ownerless former pizzeria. The owner of the building actually invited them to use the old pizzeria, because he thought a bunch of anarchos would scare away the people living in the upper floors of the object. But that didn't really happen after all.
when things got nasty,
the police operation to clear the building required 1.700 police officers. there were 19 activists in the house.

but yeah,
we'll chain ourselves to the soup-ladles.


lots of people think that way.
for me, i think it's a bit too time consuming for what I get out of it.



Yes, it was the first book he published. My favourite and a good starting point would be Extinction. A Decay.
"We’re often led to exaggerate, I said later, to such an extent that we take our exaggeration to be the only logical fact, with the result that we don’t perceive the real facts at all, only the monstrous exaggeration. I’ve always found gratification in my fanatical faith in exaggeration, I told Gambetti. On occasion I transform this fanatical faith in exaggeration into an art, when it offers the only way out of my mental misery, my spiritual malaise…With some, of course, the art of exaggeration consists in understating everything, in which case we have to say that they exaggerate understatement, that exaggerated understatement is their particular version of the art of exaggeration, Gambetti. Exaggeration is the secret of great art, I said, and of great philosophy. The art of exaggeration is in fact the secret of all mental endeavor. I now left the Huntsman’s Lodge without pursuing this undoubtedly absurd idea, which would assuredly have proved correct had I developed it. On my way to the Farm, I went up to the Children’s Villa, reflecting that it was the Children’s Villa that had prompted these absurd speculations (sic)."


not sure if I should go on a spätzle rant now, it might get emotional and I don't want to hurt the feelings of the fine folks from Swabia.

Yes to all of these three sentiments.



It was partly a bad joke anyways.

there are machines that induce various types of pain, like labor pain, therefore i reckon period pain as well. some men or idiots who make cards like this, should check it out.
:)

my birthday cake....

oh you lucky louisianian -- isn't mardi gras next week though? is this just a prelude?


that's a really nice château! by the way, the word sabotage is of french origin-- i'm thinking about your heating system.

TV: on weekdays sometimes it's stressful and i don't have the concentration to get into a movie (much less a book) at the end of a long day. this is when a good tv show really hits the spot for me. and sometimes i even seen trashy stuff purposefully-- e.g., "defiance" which is a science fiction show that looks like it was shot in someone's garage. i know it's dumb but sometimes i need dumb tv-- e.g. when i have to process a big pile of paperwork and i'd vomit from mental pain without a distraction.

the quote looks good. i'll jot the name down and see if i come across anything

as for spatzle: i used to live next door to a german restaurant in dc. food was great and i loved everything except for the spatzle. i've had spatzle in the houses of germans as well. it did nothing for me. last year my wife was in stuttgart actually and they fed her spatzle-- she wasn't impressed by it. she did like the maultaschen (or howevr you write that) though. but the spatzle--no flavor.

i said this i think in a reply to kekes before: when it comes to pasta the italians are way ahead.

but since you're not german i'm thinking maybe you do something different, there is hope. fingers crossed on my part--i always root for good food.


man, that can't be your cake as i know for a fact your name is joaquín but... is that a game controller there?

i had this fleeting vision that some day you'll be some sort of arcade tycoon.

this is the best news I've heard all month:
Finally MEN have their own TOOTHPASTE !!!

Smoke a spliff and dance your legs off

While EVER man alive knows that women have a significantly higher tolerance for pain than us its also true that every man alive spent/spends half or more of their time with women. We have mothers, grandmothers, aunties, cousins, then girlfriends, homegirls, and wifeys.. in other words, trust me, BY NO CHOICE OF OUR OWN MEN TOTALLY KNOW A LOT ABOUT PERIODS and all thats involved because believe it or not men are actually great listeners ; )

Also about !@#$! weed comments its different for everyone. Its magic for pain regardless but its not the same for everyone. Some people get narcotic like pain relief, most (and this includes myself) just get the relief of being able to better manage the pain mentally. Generally cannabis helps with pain by allowing the mind to relax and just not focus on the pain. Now to be sure, as with morphine/endorphins there is some natural brain chemistry involved and yes, the endocannabinoid CB2 receptors through out the human body are naturally part if the body's pain response system, but generally this is for mild pain like bruisimg your knee or having soreness after an intense hike or work out. CB2 also can reduce minor inflamation so cannabis is great for fever aches and pains working as good as Tylenol for that. Can help SOME people's head aches but actually can aggravate it for others.

For more significant pain the olde fashioned "getting drunk on booze" method works better however the inflamation caused by alcohol will increase healing time.

In other words if you have major pain don't expect a joint to act like some benzocain and provide instant numbness

On a related note, almost ALL the women ive been intimate with have found cannabis helped reduce menstrual cramps pain and generally them feel better so i tend to keep some extra smoke around that time ;) who am i kidding, i keep extra smoke around ALL THE TIME

hahaha


personally weed always made me anxious and i don't like the increase in hunger because i try to not fuck with my blood sugar when i have the option to not. but maybe it's the strains around here.

There are two solutions. . Either smoke a little less volume or just don't smoke. It ain't for everyone

yeah, i stay away.

why is finding a job in this town so fucking hard

Because you're young and this particular economy likes your parent's generation. USA under 25 unemployment numbers are inching towards Spain numbers

it's fucking stupid is what it is. i'm an idiot for having a misdemeanor on my record that doesn't help me any, but i can't get the $400 to expunge it without a job.

And you're in Florida which has the worst young adult unemployment in the nation.. sucks. I feel ya though, when i was younger my record kept me out of both jobs AND financial aid because of the wisdom of Bush II.. indeed i STILL can't even get a loan let alone aid since im not even allowed to fill out a FAFSA form and its been well over a decade.. hang in there, as long as you keep doing your best effort you will find away, the devils try to discourage us but it is they who are disappointed when its us who keep trying

shit. yeah, luckily i can get financial aid once i pay off miami dade college what i owe and go to apply for transfer to uf. i'm trying, even if i guess to some it doesn't look that way. it's a cycle of bullshit... need more experiece, can't get any without working...

you could go teach english in korea

like bradders

i'm sorry i am not running any business right now. i'd hire you on the spot.

so what are your skills anyway?

besides nunchuck/ hunting/ computer hacking?

i bet you could do freelance writing. it's not a lot of money but it's something. i used to get paid 10c/word but i quit to be a peasant.

all i needed to give them were writing samples and an EIN.

yeah, if i had a bachelors id just go teach english and never come back. i can write, data entry kinda shit. i'm trying to find freelance gigs. i had a thing published on xojane a while back, i should try and get shit together again and send something in

Whoooooa now slow the fuck down. Surely there gotz to be a successful career path for such a nuanced background.

Ahhh the menial jobs of academic types.. i love writimg but id rather do warehouse work yo!


Schizo have you considered a life of crime? It seems to suit your skill base and temperament and its a pretty fun gig

heh. i mean. i sort of had one for quite a while. hence the record. luck caught up with me, as did poor financial management and bad habits.

but the internet is a small place and i don't wanna divulge much else.