wait, didn't you say 2 pages back that you can't quit?

ive done it before, many times.

eventually something happens to me - sometimes it happens after a few days, sometimes after a few months. i basically break down into total depression and get really really really fucked up mentally. something happens to my brain. its just not something that i can get through without smoking. like i feel close to a total psychotic breakdown.

when i had quit for 9 months and this happened and i first had a smoke i literally felt a wave go through my body and my fucking POSTURE completely changed. there is some serious fucked up shit in my system

I ain't doubting you in the slightest, and I sympathize, I've had a nasal drip my ENTIRE life and it gets so bad sometimes I'm choking on it, gasping for breath. When I get a chest cold the drip gets so bad so that I wake up coughing shit for hours. As to the infection going away, not necessarily, but that is what the netti pot crowd preaches, nasal irrigation helps rinse out the kind of shit that might be collecting in your nasal cavities causing the problem. You may have something as you've said, more structurally wrong, but you'd also have to ask yourself, "Is it worth surgery?"

yeah the body doesn't detox right away from heavy smoking. i just mentioned before that it took me 8 months to rid of a minor cough-- and i wasn't even a heavy smoker.

now, re: the changes. i'm not saying that you're a schizophrenic, but schizophrenics self-medicate with cigarettes. i'm saying this as an analogy-- not to diagnose you.

this is why i suggested observing the payoff of your smoking habit. maybe you do have something for which you're unconsciously self-medicating. this is why wellbutrin (a dopaminergic) is used to help smokers quit-- it's a replacement for at least one of the functions of tobacco (not all).

i naturally have adhd and a tendency towards depression. it's genetic, i can observe it in some of my relatives. lots of heavy smokers on my mom's side--- as well as adhd. i used to do the same but i didn't know i had adhd-- now we know. but in order to quit smoking i have to self-medicate in non-toxic/less toxic ways, or hack/manage my condition, in order to function better.

this of course sounds very fucking complicated but whoever said life is supposed to be easy was fucking lying.

!@#$%!, by what he's saying, I think its something worse than just bad smokers' cough. I used to smoke rollies so I had a cough worse than Felicia in Next Friday yo.. I think he has something else and perhaps the tobacco smoke is just aggravating it. Either way, sucks.

The human body is weird, it has a lot of flaws, but its all we got, and learning to readjust to the quarks and nuances of our own individual bodies is sort of what life is about. The struggle of learning to navigate our own skin...

thanks man, i might try wellbutrin.

i really wanted to become schizophrenic after reading too much r.d.laing at a young and impressionable age and hoping for a way to get more benefits from the government.

im at least schizoid.

well no, i wouldn't say try wellbutrin just like that because i don't know your condition. who knows what you're self-medicating for-- you need a full diagnosis not a wild guess (even if doctors guess, they make educated guesses-- they also, if they are decent, listen for patient feedback, e.g., "that pill doesn't work for me/ that pill works")

different conditions require different meds/regimes. think of cigarettes as a very primitive and filthy medication (lots of side effects) for an undiagnosed condition. this century has more refined/precise meds with less side effects, but they require proper diagnosis. i no longer need meds, i manage my condition "naturally" but i have an accurate diagnosis and my condition is not terrible in my context (i have worked to build my context).

i have a friend who married a schizoid dude (schizoid, not schizophrenic). he used to drink a lot, she says. if he takes his meds, however, he doesn't drink. i don't know that he takes wellbutrin though-- he takes meds for his schizoid condition.

get off the cigs and then go see a proper brain doctor when you have your symptoms. if you go as a smoker they might not be able to diagnose because you're self-medicated. makes sense? or yes, maybe you can quit with a wellbutrin xl prescription, then see what changes. talk to a doctor.

i have helped my doctors with careful self-observation and reporting. "this shit works, this shit doesn't, i think i'm taking too much" etc. i was given lithium once and it made me goofy i called the guy he said stop taking it. with the same guy i noticed that antidepressants + cigarettes + coffee + sunlight = too much antidepressant (for me). so you have to observe your brain. keep notes/keep a diary. i'm not joking.

alright gotta go right now but best wishes there.

doctors = been there done that got the irreversible side effects.

done the diary. tried med after med. read about the faked test results for ssri's, met the blank stares of nhs staff. different member of staff talks to me, recommends X med based on my symptoms, later that day another member of staff recommends Y after i say the same thing. this goes on endlessly. fuck them and their bad science

While that sucks, in a way I'm glad you said that because I was just about to post to tell you that !@#$%! is giving good advice about doctors but personally I don't think wellburtrin or any other antidepressant therapy is good method to quit smoking because those drugs (a) often carry side-effects and (b) these drugs usually can't just be stopped, so they in a way they are addictive as well.

What helped me to quit (been good for over a year now):

Tabulate what you spend on them a month, week, whatever and put it in a bank account at each respective time interval (month, week, you get it) and make it a bank account that you can't touch.

It gives you a pretty nice little fund for something cool after a while, and it removes your means to buy the shit anyways (provided, that is, that you live on an inflexible income).

It may seem like sort of namby pamby advice, but it's helped both myself and a friend to quit.

Not gonna lie...I kind if want to 'party'....

Don't do it.

and I didn't...thanks to my incredibly responsible friend. Feel pretty good about it too. I don't feel like dying now!

tried this before.

this process worked for me in a slightly different way with drugs - i sat and wrote out all the years of my life and ranked them by drug consumption/level of happiness.

i basically realized that the periods that i remembered as being the best were the ones where i had possibilities and opportunities (or at least the illusion of them) with bigger/better groups of people.

i dont really miss anything, although lsd was fun

i think i might try regulating my cig intake and slowly lowering it. seems like the only option at this point

I got a new bed. THIS SHIT IS FUCKING COMFORTABLE AS ALLLL HELLLL

i will also light cigarettes anytime i encounter someone who tells me to think positive about this shit and stub them out in their eyeballs. anyone who acts all encouraging like a hypomanic dipshit. which seems to be everyone.

anyone notice the way food is now the only moral issue certian people care about "im being so GOOD today i didnt eat any junk!". eughh

dude, step it up a notch and get a memory foam pillow. i got one for cheaps. its so so so worth it.

right, so you never got a proper diagnosis? i get that there is a lot of guessing and trial and error, but i always took meds in the context of therapy which helped frame and focus things… it wasn't purely a roulette. i also was lucky that had good doctors with a sense of humor, not mere bots… last prescription i got was from some cold bitch that wanted me out of there fast so i didn't use the prescription… i'm not a set of symptoms, i'm a person, and she didn't understand me enough to prescribe me anything.

i have my own story with SSRIs, even a few visionary dreams, but that's too long to tell.

anyway, in the sense that you're being abandoned by the medical system, becoming your own doctor might be your last resort. but if you already have a diagnosis it might be a good starting point. i didn't say keep a diary of your meds, but rather a diary of your cigarette habit-- what it does to you, and how you feel about it from purchase to use to withdrawal to next purchase. if you want to kill the habit, you have to stalk it first. know it inside and out, in concrete details not generalizations.

then and only then can you device hacks for each reward and find self-medication alternatives. does buying something you can easily afford give you pleasure where you're otherwise poor? find something else cheap and thrilling to buy. does smoking satisfy you orally? put something else in your mouth. does puffing help your anxiety? find a different treatment for your anxiety. does the nicotine help with concentration? does it help with depression? you could try things as varied as meditation or tweaking your soylent nutrient profile (e.g. extra tyrosine or phenylalanine which are dopamine precursors). maybe you need extra magnesium so you can sleep well. maybe you need more sunlight, or vitamin d, or omega 3, or something else. maybe you need different people around you. staying healthy in a toxic and artificial environment is not an easy thing to do. a fish in a poisoned pond doesn't need "vitamins", it needs a clean fucking pond. and yes you can't get from here to there instantly but you need to break it down into actionable steps and hammer at each one and sometimes it's like a whackamole as you take 2 steps forward and 1 step back but that's life-- a bitch. still, i like to keep punching, because to stop hurts worse.

huye de la puta coca, es una droga de mierda… y los coqueros son los peores amigos.

abandoned or perhaps RUNNING THE FUCK AWAY from!

use l-tyrosine already. plus magnesium and all the vitamins.

talking about better people is like taunting me with things i cant have. all these hopes and plans are fine if you have the slightest bit of security, but i dont.

i cant stand this all being directed back at my self, it needs to be directed out at the assholes profiteering from it who eventually need to be destroyed.

a cig diary thing - maybe. i can write how i feel or whatever, but my highly inaccurate introspective ideas are generated by a brain which i dont have access to. i cant see whats going on in there. we're not post human enough yet to reflect on our input and output like a computer can.

when the cig sickness randomly strikes me, which it does at some point everytime i quit, it is HELL. absolute fucking hell. i mentioned before what its like.

all i can do is try and cut down and meet targets to reduce it. if i fail i fail. there are better things to think about than a prison diary of the ways people are profiting off my addiction/eventual or perhaps already occuring slow descent into terminal illness.

or maybe you're right. i'll think about it

<koff>

Smoked about seven cigarettes while reading through the last 180 or so posts.



<koff>

I'm a bad duck...

i smoked more than 7 while posting them

i think symbol man is right and i have to stop directing my anger into futile masochistic fantasies of terrorism (although that WILL eventually happen just in case GHCQ and the NSA think they should cut back on their surveillance of me) and stalk this addiction then kill it to death by murdering it until its dead.

i'm too lazy to ever have kept a diary but i keep watch of things and remember them.

even if you could bomb the headquarters of every cigarette company you wouldn't be able to cure your habit, and even if there were no cigarettes you'd go mad like you did when you quit before, so you'd still have a problem. so while cigarette companies might very well be criminal fucks, and they will probably be sued out of existence, your disease still needs a cure.

i get it that all is a part of a larger whole, i do, and i get that things need to be understood that way, but what i'm suggesting is to break it down to small elements that you can defeat easily. the only way to complete very large tasks is to chunk them into manageable parts. you can't kill a mammoth with your fists.

anyway, i will say no more lest you think i'm giving you a "pep talk," but i've told you what i know, and if you can find some use for it great, and if not i'm sorry.

yeah i edited my responses to your post like 3 times dialing down the anger each time lol.

i'm going do what you suggest. but someone has to promise that if i successfully quit THEN die of lung cancer you will mummify my corpse, implant a bomb in it with its countdown clock replacing my heartbeat, then operate it by remote control and direct it into the boardroom of one of the tobacco companies and detonate. its only fair.

i think i need to assemble a dose of various anti depressants/supplements to keep in reserve for when whatever fucked up thing thats being going on in my nervous system when i quit happens.

oh, i must have read a previous version. no worries.

funny enough, the day i say you need to become your own doctor i ended up watching dallas buyers club which is basically about that same principle. the story was retouched for hollywood but it's still great in spite of its falsehoods-- of course could have been better, like anything that comes out of that cultural shithole, but eh, i'd still recommend it.

Why hasn't vaping come up yet? I mean, nicotine is only a mild carcinogen compared to the dozen other carcinogens in raw tobacco smoke, and while the heart disease is in part caused by a natural reaction to nicotine, vaping will at least be less harmful medium towards quitting.. seems to work for some people

i sold e-cigs.

vaped like fuck. it made me feel odd in the end. and people are dropping dead from it, oil seems to gather on their lungs.

it also does make some people quit.

lack of long term data.

Me? I wouldn't vape. I LOVE tobacco smoke, particularly the unique aromatic flavors. I wouldn't even feel remotely satisfied without it, like taking caffeine pills to replace the simple joy of drinking richly made Turskish coffee ;)

Vaping is alright. the people dying from it are idiots who ingest the nicotine liquid, or little kids whose idiot caretakers are leaving them alone with vapes and the nicotine liquid. You can definitely OD on nicotine. make you sick as fuck.

I hate it...jsut ain't the same. Vaping dope however....that's all groovy with me.

it is not the same for sure, but I find it eases my nicotine craving. I bought a Blue disposable vape, and after I got used to the taste, I enjoy taking 3-4 drags from it every few days after work. It does just enough to relax. I have friends though who forget and smoke it for hours which is NOT GOOD

It has also lasted me from 2/14/2014 to today. still has not run out.

BTW, the food grade oil used in the vapes is the same shit they use to make fake fog in smoke machines, like at the foggiest show I ever saw, White Zombie/EyeHateGod at #'s Nightclub. could not see SHIT

i vaped so much i could almost do a bottle of oil in a DAY

nicotine owns me, deep down to the molecular level.

i found it heroic. i wish i could have said the things ron said to those doctors only in regards to SSRI's.

the homophobia of a bisexual man living in redneck country - that's not authentic homophobia, thats a survival mechanism.

people dont understand why gay men CAMP IT LIKE FUCK - the reason is that its a way of disarming people. people do not like the ambiguity. they can deal more easily when the moment they set eyes on a man, they can tell he is gay.

its a great movie.