not that i'm advocating you join a cult or anything but zen type meditation is actually supposed to help that thing-- kill the overthinking. i'm supposed to restart doing that actually but ehh… there is also alcohol, ha ha ha. (viva el whiskey).


ha ha, he is definitely pretty-- and while he does nothing for me i see why you like him. and he's not stupid. his bit about faulkner was good. "as i lay dying" has defeated me in the past (it's not my native language) and maybe i'll try it again. thanks for the link.

Whiskey and cacaine. Tonight mght end badly. I think my anxiety is starting to kick in.

I'm not chewing as much as I used to...that's good.

i read his trivia on imdb, as it is a very normal thing to do on a saturday night and my love is justified: math, studies, painting, books, writing and being super hot and adorable. but he doesnt live in the correct street.

pot was making my bad things overthinking unbearable, thats why i finally stopped doing it.

how did it go?

Cacaine indeed! That stuff is caca.

-Makes you drink waaaaaaay more than your body can handle. Which is poisonous.

-It's expensive.

-All one can think about all night is "más cacaína por favor"

-Makes your dick numb. *Terrible* This alone should dissuade people.

-It conditions you like an experimental dog: years and years after last having snorted it, the simple mention of the stuff makes my nose tingle. Heavy users who talk about it want to go take a shit instead. Woof-woof, Pavlov.

-Brings out the worst in people. You'll never see two stoners fight each other over the last hit of the roach--but two cokeheads growling like animals over the last scrap off the knife? All the fucking time. Greed & misery.

-It narrows your perception into a fucking tunnel.

-Makes you think you're having a smart conversation while everyone is just actually spewing incoherent motormouth gibberish only held together by syntax. Okay, this might be a plus in a social situation, but still, highly inaccurate.

-May not be meth, but it's still a hard drug. Addictive as fuck.

-For all the empty pleasure of the night before, the depression that follows is really fucking shit. I've known people who had to keep snorting just to avoid falling into a suicidal gloom. "Cacaine" indeed.


I bet you his liver hurts, his jaw hurts, and he wants to hide in bed with the curtains closed for the next 24 hours. Poor Joaquín!

It was awful and ok at the same time. I had some fun.....but my mind was still being plagued. I kind of hate to say this, but sometimes the drugs are necessary. I mean...yeah they're kind of awful and stuff....but right now I need that little kick. I really don't know how to deal with shit liek that, and I just have t0 get past it somehow. A person told my roommate, "Wow, he's really opening up and stuff". Anyways last nigth was half pretty cool...and half of it was me wanting to hide in my room or just leave.

here some yoni kash to cheer you up a bit

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svoGMzUoT30

Early one mornin' while makin' the rounds
I took a shot of cocaine and I shot my woman down
I went right home and I went to bed
I stuck that lovin' 44 beneath my head

Got up next mornin' and I grabbed that gun
Took a shot of cocaine and away I run
Made a good run but I run too slow
They overtook me down in Juarez, Mexico

Late in the hot joints takin' the pill
In walked the sheriff from Jericho Hill
He said, "Willy Lee your name is not Jack Brown
You're the dirty hack that shot your woman down"

Said, "Yes, oh yes, my name is Willy Lee
If you've got a warrant just read it to me
Shot her down because she made me slow
I thought I was her daddy but she had five more"

When I was arrested I was dressed in black
They put me on a train and they took me back
Had no friend for to go my bail
They slapped my dried up carcass in that county jail

Early next mornin' bout a half past nine
I spied the sheriff coming down the line
Ah, and he coughed as he cleared his throat
He said come on you dirty heck into that district court

Into the courtroom my trial began
Where I was handled by twelve honest men
Just before the jury started out
I saw the little judge commence to look about

In about five minutes in walked a man
Holding the verdict in his right hand
The verdict read in the first degree
I hollered, "Lordy, Lordy have mercy on me"

The judge he smiled as he picked up his pen
99 years in the Folsom pen
99 years underneath that ground
I can't forget the day I shot that bad bitch down

Come on you gotta' listen to unto me
Lay off that whiskey, let that cocaine be.

Those aren't reasons not do it, just not to do it regularly.

of course, it's the same with a lot of things-- coffeeholics can't get good sleep, cigarette smokers can't breathe right, perpetual stoners have a hard time getting their shit together, habitual drunks are some of the most horrible people one can meet, and of course there are exceptions to this rule but they are not the rule.

still, i think the addictive potential of cocaine is a lot higher than other drugs, both legal and illegal, the heart damage is nothing to fuck with, the behavioral consequences can be atrocious, and the withdrawal is a complete and absolute mindfuck that will have people jumping out of windows.


then again, people need a "digestive" every now and then... but the downside is that most people's parties aren't exactly a therapeutic or shamanistic experience which would be the best sorts of contexts to get the most out of the drugs. yes, yes, utopias, i know.

lol....e-mail from our avo sales rep. A middle aged woman.

"Hi Joey

Yes I do
40s @ xxx
48s @ xxx
60s @ xxx

Just let me know what you need and for when and I will hook you up. Thanks so much!"



lulz. I will hook you up.....

oh God. She's a real cool chick though. Super nice...and was super patient with mah newbie buying self.

The mayor of my city (Toronto) just admitted to smoking crack

i heard him on the radio. hilarious.

Regularly smoking it, or just doing it once like when Bill Clinton admitted to smoking a joint?

When it comes to crack, fucking shit, honestly is there really a difference? Further, do you honestly believe Pimpin Bill Clinton only toked it once, and didn't even inhale? That the mayor only smoked crack once is more believable than that yo ;)

What's even funnier/sadder is that a 44 year old man was able to justify smoking crack a couple times because he was "in a drunken stupor"

For the record I'm not saying Bill Clinton only smoked it once, I'm saying he admitted to smoking it once.

yeah, i m sorry about that.
have you considered to cut stuff down and try and be the one who uses them and not the other way around?
i mean its hard. i reckon that for almost everything (including alcohol), the mood you are before takes the lead and defines the effect stuff will have on you. however, i thought coke is a lift up anyway.

as i have said many times, i was born for drugs, but because of how my mind works i m afraid and i am avoiding them.
i had coke offered to me for over a decade, before i started doing some.



during 2012 i did some, but i do it, in order to stop me from getting wasted with the booze. i havent really felt the wow i m god feeling it gives you, because i really have done very little everytime.
in the sense i had been using it, it can still get 'addictive.




oh yeah, i call it 'white little depression' and lol hadnt realized it, because the feeling was very similar to my ache and 'weight' i feel inside anyway.

hmmm come to think, i havent felt that for some time and i m telling you, it was an almost daily feeling. i must be doing smth right, dunno what it is. it could also be the melatinine that i have started taking before sleep.

oh and i m big yawning every time i hear a middle aged celebrity, or usually politician admitting he had smoked pot ONCE.
just dont say it dude.

how the fuck do you people even afford coke?? prices here are so ridiculous...


on another note, I have come to value melbourne's ample bin space, particularly in the central business district. in the suburbs, however, there is much to be desired.




bic atlantis is a glorious pen.



homer's work is shit, and he was a boring cunt.


here is a picture



I like richard serra

i didnt get into art school.
i went and saw the works of people who got in and my conclusion was that its not that hard (shame on me), but it needs a year of focused preparation on what is needed for the exams. the other 50% is a matter of pure confidence and good psychology during that week.

the good thing is that i had already rationalized it - i know i m good and i decided that i will keep painting and i will keep taking the exams as long as it interest me to do so.

That stinks Nefeli

I went to art school for 4 weeks and then decided to stop going and do oxycontin in the new free time i had instead. But that is all in the past now.

Just keep on painting no matter what. It is quite expensive though. No excuse though.

here the art school/uni is public, hence the exams.
but its expensive to get in as you have to go to preparation private 'schools' before. plus all the stuff you have to buy, tons of papers etc.
i think there are some private colleges but im not sure how focuses they are on painting or how good they are.


yeah painting is expensive as it is as well. i was like 20 mins staring at paints the other day, in order to decide which i need more -couldnt buy everything..:(

I am lucky I work in an art store so I get most things down to half price.

Where is "here" Nefeli?

i am sorry. if you were a dude i'd say "keep punching." don't know what to say but keep punching. or painting, actually. just keep at it.

so one day in grad school i am reading this book by gertrude stein. i didn't think it was up to snuff. so i tell my advisor i thought the book was a failure. why a failure he asks. because… bla bla bla, i tell him. he says, as long as you write what you want to write, do what you want to do, it's not a failure.

yeah.

so you have to work harder maybe to do what you want to do, and that seems exciting.

so i'll say congratulations, and you should celebrate.

i'm dead serious.

I was never someone who took drugs a lot but I enjoy them sometimes and these days because getting older/changes in social groups etc I'm not around them as frequently as I used to be, and it's made me think more about the situations I would take them in, if I do do them now I prefer earlier in the evening before I get drunk at home with 2 or 3 friends. Have been thinking about checking out those websites you can order drugs from to see what happens.

nah, it's that you're painting every day.

It took me an all-nighter on the stuff to really make me feel quite high, and even then it barely scratched the surface of the buzz I used to get in my pure Es phase. Same with ketamine, it doesn't seem to work for me. I haven't done any drugs in a long time anyway. Sometimes I get cravings for heroin, or something super strong though. It's really just a thought and it goes away quickly.

Have you considered the thought that instead of an unnaturally high tolerance, you merely have a shit dealer?

he is known in the streets as "mr. royal"

Never had any dealers. And I don't have an unnaturally high tolerance either, it's just that some drugs don't seem to do much for me.

pure uncut cocaine will have your heart racing and your face twiching in no time though.

whatever you took all night must have been something else.

The wild and even dangerous fluctuation in purity is why I stopped doing hard drugs years ago, the highs are fantastic albeit utterly self-destroying, but you can't trust even good people. You truly don't know what you're getting, even when you think you know, so I finally (after enough failure) learned my lesson, grew up, and now strictly pot/beer, and even with pot I ONLY acquire from sources I trust, folks grow pot with a lot of shit now. Cannabis as a plant may be naturally benign in regards to cancer, but all the additives/chemicals/pesticides used in many grow operations are not.

and don't forget mold. brrrrrrrr! micotoxins are fucking nasty.

can't wait till it's legal and regulated like beer.

Mold is more obvious to spot, the herbs smell like wet dog.


Personally, I'm not even remotely interested in such prospects. Did mainstream corporatization improve the quality or safety of tobacco? No, generally speaking, its been the opposite experience. We are in the era of Monsanto and Food, Inc. and I wouldn't want to toke their herbs.

Further, even with beer, there isn't total quality assurance, yeah the brewers and bottlers put out a good product, but the actual quality at the purchasing level depends on the retailer. I have been getting SO FUCKING PISSED at the amount of expired and flat beer I've been finding at just about EVERY place you buy beer, from mom and pop corner stores to huge-chain grocery stores. And what is worse is in California its against the Health and Safety codes, its a serious fine! I suspect the enforcement side has been lax in the recent years, it didn't used to be such a problem. I used to work as a merchandiser for a big distributor, a huge part of our job was to rotate to avoid expiration, because once the product is out of code, there are significant fines involved on the distributor. Anyway, I digress, but if pot was mass-marketed like beer, it would inevitably still depend on the retail side for quality assurance, much as is the case today albeit on the underground.

maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. who knows?:p:p:p

Yeah but how do you get that stuff outside of South America?