Hey Pookie,
Wanna see my boobs?

Sheena
Croydon

Hey Pookie,

My sex addiction is driving my relationship to the edge of a meltdown, What kind of things should my boyfriend do to satisfy my needs?

Sex-ahollic Slurp.

Dear Pookie,

Will I ever be able to find my virginity?

Loose Goose
West Hollywood.

Pookie,

How are people supposed to cope with life when you don't answer their questions?

If you don't start giving some answers soon I'm gonna invade your ass, and then you'll be sorry.

Regards,
George W Bush, esq

Pookie,

I will, you know. Don't you start thinking that the UN will protect you, 'cos I don't listen to a word they say.

Regards,
George W Bush, esq

Pookie,

Don't be worryin' 'bout' no beef from that playa-hata Bush. I got you back, yo. Keep it real, kna'm'sayin'?

Yours,

Kim Jong-il.

Pookie,

This is your final warning. You've had the mild virus, if you don't answer these peoples' questions it's gonna be the real hardcore one.

Regards,
George W Bush, esq

Baubles.

Yes, it's just moved.

Is the offer still open?

Have him bring some friends to share the load.

It'll be where you left it.

People coped before I came along, albeit in a sadder and more ignorant form

Y aye man.

I don't mean to be a stereotypical man about this, but MILD. You should have seen the projectile vomiting.

Dear Pookie,
i've been selling me arse since i was 19 but now i find myself tired of this profession and i want to choose a different career.Do you have any advice for me?I can't read,i can't write and i generally don't have much of an interest for anything apart from taking it up the bum.

Kind Regards

Bunny boy Oh Boy

I think it's important to keep your private and work life separate. If you enjoy the bum action, then don't spoil it by making it into a chore.

Consider a career that will satisfy you but won't encroach onto your leisure pursuits.

I've sent you a few leaflets which should help you when deciding which career would be best for you.

Good luck.

Dear Pookie,

I recently discovered that the world is flat. And I've been trying to cope with it. Is there anything I can do to make this easier to cope with?

Thanks
Blonde Simpson

DON'T go too near the edge.
DON'T attempt to sail round the world.
DON'T tell ANYBODY else what you've discovered.
DON'T handle any sharp implements.
DON'T drink from bottles labelled:

 

DO stay hidden in a cupboard during daylight hours.

Dear Pookie,

No-one remembers who I am! What do I do?

Thanks,
Matt LeBlanc