you people are making me want to get high.

all you know is scorn and fear

I would/do. jesus woman, stop blaming other people for the way in which they perceive you. No one can fuck you up unless you let them. If you keep letting people get to you, then they will eventually kill you of a heart attack or a drug overdose. Keep the peace, keep the faith, keep the strength, if you can't see it, call the spot, I already dared you, and Lord knows I aint gonna call mine.

As can alcohol, of course.

I'll say this for Cantankers (and doubtless I'll get shit for this, but me and my big mouth etc) - I get the impression/idea that she has the insight to see that drugs/whatever are NOT a solution in themselves. For her (and plenty of others here), they are more of a way to relax/unwind. I mean, I relax with fags and booze, and wouldn't claim any moral high ground about how other people deal w/stuff in their lives. As I said previously, the nature of addiction is such that drugs etc become a real issue when they become the only reason for living. I see someone like shentov (for example) and can only hope that he can kick his drug problem and do the stuff he really wants to do. And by the way, a big fucking shout out to HaydenAsche for sorting his life out - nice one, mate :)

i applaud you.
and i applaud hayden and shentov.

drugs are not my only means or reason for living. i enjoy my life for the most part but i don't enjoy other people and other people's bullshit.
the fact of the matter is that i would rather cause myself harm than cause other people harm.
like driving drunk -- it's not stupid because you're putting yourself in harm's way, it's stupid because you're putting other people in harm's way.

hurting yourself sucks ass too.

just saying.

not as much. i would feel much worse hurting other people.

i feel my options are limited. and it sucks.

ok, about hurting yoruself, etc, confession time.

when i was young and undocumented and ready to off myself, you know what really really stopped me?

the thought of what my suicide would do to my parents.

if you think your self destruction doesn't hurt the people you love, youre nuts!

now quit denying & go take care of your problem. you know you have to.

--
ps- i gotta go. seeya.

Phil Collins is good
slick production
wonderful melodies

Phil Collins is trash.

thank you.

I'd think this was irony. But coming from a Pixies fan I'm not so sure.

I've hated him since I was a child. That voice is pure torture.

Phil Collins can fucking stay in Cuckoo-clock land, for all I care, the arse-faced, humorless, Tory-voting, wife-bothering, soul music-ripping off cunt.

Take that, demonrail! :p

He was good in Buster though, eh?

Oh God, NO! (Julie Waters was good though, so...)

Come to think of it, it was her I was thinking of. He was shit.

are you surprised? let's take a minute to remember who we're talking about here. he was in genesis for fucksake.

Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot - no match for the true evil that is.....:



Ugh, look at his horrible Ted Bundy eyes there.
*shudders*

o rly?

try Disturbed covering Land of Confusion (live).


:(

rather than

Bromazepam




for your little blues and anxiety.
can you believe so many of us are diagnosed agoraphobics? in the last 10 years what a boom...
But it's incredible how we have been convinced we need all these drugs.
We think the mood is cerebral... check you glands (tyroid, surrenals...) first before spending hundreds of dollar for doped chatting with a therapist.
I'll be doctor soon, probably neurologist. I'll try not to dope 20yo kids turning them into sleepy shy shy mice.

About drug (illegal substances) dependence, I've assisted in the last 4 years to the decay of some "friends of friends". Here (north italy) heroin strikes back.
My neighbour died about 5 years ago for an heart attack, he was a 42, single, handsome, addicted to coke financial agent. he died in a hotel, very sad.
My mother's cousin, back in 70's, had some problems with heroin, just like most of bored youth of that time. He's clean (or at least, he's fine) now. Lives in Zanzibar and works as a canoe teacher, ha.

i'm sorry but i just cannot abide that shit. it may work but i ain't doing it cuz i hate it. haaaaaate it.

I find it awesome what you're doing shentov.
And the open way you talk about it. Wish you the best.



It can happen you truly want to support, you know how deep the problem is and you don’t want to cover the shit up, you’re truly ready to face it and lend a hand. But the other pushes you away like : « I’d better keep you away from my shit cause you’re gonna get hurt and you’re gonna suffer… »

Does it mean they’re just not ready to face the problem themselves and they feel like they can’t do anything, so they simply prefer to get rid of you ?
Some way to stay in denial maybe...

Sometimes you just want to support and you truly end up feeling like you’re just bothering and you’re a pain in the arse.

eh, sometimes people want to stay stuck in their own shit, it's what they know, and you can't "make" someone do something they don't want to do. they have to be ready. they have to want it. they have to say, at some level, "im sick and tired of this shit". because if they're going to be too busy enjoying it, they're just going to say no.

then there's the defense mechanism people have. shit like "i can control my addiction". or how everyone who has fucked up parents claims "my parents are alright", or even worse, "my parents are the greatest". or stuff like "i turned out ok after all". that's shit people tell themselves in order to keep themselves together because facing the pain of recognizing the truth would hurt too much. and when that happens without proper channels, people can go crazier than even before. so everyone spreads a little bullshit on the top. it's human nature.

that why i so much prefer shrinks than well-intentioned advice-givers. when it comes to dismounting those defenses and "helping" people look at their own bullshit, they know how to do it delicately, carefully, methodically, intelligently, so as not to cause more damage and more retreat into defenseland. and when finally the floodgates of hell are wide open & spewing all the garbage out, they know how to handle it with care. a lot of training goes into it. of course not everyone is as good as competent as they should be, but the odds are way better.

as for civilians/friends/family simply prodding people to do something about their shit-- i really don't care if im just bothering and im a pain in the arse-- if i am, ha ha, so be it! i don't give a shit-- i have more important things to do than look good. what i mean is, if i was insecure about the usefulness of what i am proposing, or the pain that people are stuck into, i would have doubts. but because i don't (well there are reservations for everything, but..)-- but because i don't, i can take some shit in return, knowing that it's worth it, you know what i mean? as for my time pestering cankers, i think it's time well spent, she's far from stupid.

but anyway, if you as a friend think you can call your friend's bullshit, realize that you can only do it to a point, and it's better to have someone who knows-- without knowledge, and training, you can't get into their brains without getting burned and without fucking them up as well. so there's a boundary there you have to respect. you can't force people.

I love the lifeguard picture! Reminds me of when I took swimming lessons in grade school. I remember even back then thinking how beautiful the girl lifeguards looked. Later in junior high it was an achievement to run across the pool deck or something so that you got the whistle and then called over to sit beneath the lifeguard's chair. Thank, mum, may I please have some more?

i love weed
i think about it at work
i think about it on the way home from work
i look back at the bong before i leave the house
i love weed

That's probably not healthy.

chuckles...

hmm
i enjoy it
i love thinking of things to do whilst stoned
it brings out the creativity in me as typical as that sounds

I thought about "getting back into" pot a little while ago. I've thought better of it for this very reason. I would like it too much.

I dislike getting obsessed over things that don't last. Pot goes away. On the other hand, records, DVDs, books, art, even clothes stay with you for a while. They're things that, purchased once, continue for a long time to serve or satisfy you in some way.

While I sometimes think I'm addicted to too many material things (see above), I rationalize it with the thought that at least they can be considered longer-term investments.

I know, bullshit, right?

you said it

nothing lasts, but the stupidity that pot invites lingers for too many weeks afterwards.

well, true. It's just that some things are more perishable than others. Pot, drink, food, etc. I mean that given a choice about how I spend what little disposable income I have, I'd rather see it going to things that I feel will last a while.

But yes, that, too. What seems like astonishing insight when you smoke is really stupid in hindsight. I'm also not fond of the idea of filling my lungs with smoke.

haha yeh the dumb ass feelin after being stoned
i find a good walk in the cold and a cup of tea soon gets rid ofit

At the same time... I often feel very peaceful and at ease for days after smoking (though I might not if I smoked more often than just once in a while). So maybe there are longer benefits. Still...

there are better ways to deal with anxiety. just saying.

Yes, you're right about that. Definitely. When I sat zazen regularly, I could achieve a similiar sense of peace with the world.

And I don't mean to sound like a jock, because I'm not, but there is something to be said for regular exercise.

yeah man. no need to have a *cough* mid life *cough* crisis *cough* :D

btw did you get the links i sent you?

Yes, thanks. Looks like burque's not a choice anymore, unfortunately. We're kind of bummed about it. But we're still holding out hope for Denver and Walla Walla. Portland is also now back in the realm of possibilities--her position opened up again there and she applied.