-Do abide by the law of the right beard.This law has been passed 400 years ago and it's caused a lot of overpopulation in prisons all over the world.

Chapter 2
How to sound

-Always make sure that those influences of yours stay as such wich means they don't sound like a rip off of other(and perhaps more talented)musicians.This particular regulation was passed at the dawn of time but it seems difficult to put it into practice for a scarily enormous amount of bands.

Beards

How to sound: 1. Whatever you do, don't play guitar. If you must play guitar, try and turn it down so it is inaudible. If you, further to these rules, must play it, you absolutely must kill yourself if you ever even think about what Eric Clapton could possibly sound like, let alone actually hearing it.

2. The Shaggs. Why are you even thinking about playing music when I have now told you the name of the Shaggs?

Dispose of most superflous instruments and musicians and do everything yourself.Particularly important is that this instrumentation is used:
-Field recordings
-Oscillators
-Keyboards
-Samplers
-Creative imagination


There are many more but due to my lack of being arsed i'll list them later.

don't sound like radiohead

If you're songs consist of two-note power chords, and it is not the blues: quit. Just stop playing.

punk is dead.

So are my grandparents. Cool!

ooh, they must be punk.

That was funny and depressing. Which happens to be the best kind of funny.