Unborn child. What's it like in there?

Pookie,

Should I worry about the fact that I've recently been abducted by aliens who put some sort of implant in my brain that controls my thoughts?

Regards,
Porkmarras

PS - I must go now, I'm supposed to be annihilating the entire human race this afternoon.

Inspired by your name and your question, some jokes for the children of board members:

Why do giraffes have long necks?
Because they have smelly feet!

What kind of public transport do bees go on?
A double decker buzz.

Dear pookie,

Do you usually pick your nose while reading these threads?

Best regards,
Jico

Are they making you ask that question?

ps - could you wait until I've finished my mocha before you annihilate the human race. Thanks

It's asking questions like that, that's got you so much negative rep. Cheeky scamp.

Dear Pookie,

I sometimes am required to say some quite serious things. I very often want to laugh, and one time I did a little fart whilst talking to the president of Zimbabwe. Is this normal?

Yours,

Trevor 'Trev-core' McDonald.

Dear Pookie,
My abductors refuse to bum me every now and then.Is this right for them to do that?

Regards

A tied up pork

Yes, it's normal to say serious things.
Yes, it's normal to laugh.
Yes, it's normal to fart.
Yes, it's normal to talk to the president of Zimbabwe.

You like to get your money's worth, don't you?


They've tied you up but refuse to bum you? There's a name for people like that.

Dear Pookie,

Living in the womb of Courtney Love is horrifying.Should I abort myself or live in this druggy womb?

Sincerly,
Drug Induced Child of Despicable People.

You think you're badly off? You should see her from the outside.

dear spooky,

you must spread your butt(er) all over someone else's toast before spreading it all over spooky's again.

love,
X______________

Nothing beats butt(er)ed toast. Thank you.

pookie,

im hungry

This thread is called ASK Pookie.

How am I supposed to reply to random statements?

dear spookie:

your words of wisdom are needed, someone stole my cheese sandwich at work and i would like to get, as the saying in the street goes, 'medieval on their asses'; so which harry potter movie should i watch to learn a spell to cast on my aggressors?

mortimer byron sutch
glasgow

Dear Pookie,
Why only smelly tories seem to fancy me?

Kind Regards

Boo Boo if i was you.

Norwich

dear pookie,

i want it with a lady who is already attached. advice please?

david ambrose, chiswick.

My dear Pookie,

I'm gonna dodge the eastend streets in my drag worst.Save me?

Sinitta

Bow

dear spookie:

i'm feeling a little peckish, what's the most defenseless animal i can hunt for brunch?

ted nugent
the motor city (detroit)

spookie,

at $15, were these a good investment?

It's a little known fact that the spells in the Harry Potter films were not real. They had to disguise the real spells so as to avoid an outbreak of school chums turning each other into evil fire-breathing dragons etc.

Consider using this piece of medieval weaponry:

 

Is it the fact they're tories that bothers you, or the smelliness? Because, there's always deodorant, but the stench of Conservatism is harder to disguise.


If she's attached, surely that means you're already getting it.


As long as you're not thinking of hitchin' a ride or we might end up right back where we started from, but you'd be safe with me because I'm so macho. Love and affection,

Pookie


Any animal is defenceless where the Nuge is around. Go for it, you weekend warrior!


Depends what kind of return you're expecting on them.

Dear Pookie,
I've been feeling a bit nauseous and i've developed a fad for eating only my finegernails.Do you think i'm pregnant?

Wanda Stirling

Crowborough

dear pookie,

will you still love me tomorow?

david thass, leeds.

Signs of pregnancy:
A feeling that there's something growing inside of you.
Your body is developing a strange baby-shaped lump.
Your feet are growing.

You bad-tempered and expecting your loved ones to pamper you and search for chocolate bars any time of day or night.
You're a woman.
You've had unprotected, penetrative sex with a man (or male animal) recently.

Hope that helps.


Were you the one I met in Movers and Shakers last night? You said your name was Davina!

its a cliche but:

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Pookie again.

Dear Pookie,
I just got up 10 minutes ago.Have i missed something important?

Dr Moo

i should bloody say! all the posts have been deleted now you dirty stop out.

I was using the stand-up urinal in the men's room the other day and the guy next to me splashed a little bit and it got on my hand and I didn't wash my hands and then I touched myself later and now I have a spot there so i was wondering if I'll be okay.

Dear Pookie,
What can I give my pimp for christmas something that he isn't getting from all the other two dollar whores?

Love, Whore In a rut.

dear spookie:

will i ever come back to the board?

sincerely,

everyneurotic
MxDxFx

dear pookie

king_buzzo is not a member of any public groups?

dear pookie,

now that your 40 and officially old and past it will you still answer these posts?

edward cheese, poole.

Dear Pookie

I am unable to stop myself from typing meaningless shite on internet forums.

i know!

porky?

Eh? Why does everyone always pick on Porky?

I've always been a magnet for freaks so nothing new there.

On here? Never.

You'll be ok, but your penis is shot to shit I'm afraid. You have what they call, "splash-back" disease.

How about a five dollar whore?