thats what I wanted to hear

In all seriousness, from the bottom of my heart, I beg of you not to do that. Please.

What gmku says.

^^sometimes cantankerous' choise (could it be called a choise?) is the only way to go.
don't ask me why. that's over me/her/anyone.
some people need that barrier. other learn to live w/o it and make other ways.

but you are NOT going to fall in that hole again, shentov.

shentov - I can see why people use narcotics for the reasons that you describe. From my (very limited) experience in these matters, it would seem that "livin' to get high" can very easily turn into "gettin' high just to exist" - a tragic emotional and physical state for anyone to be in...

well put, Melly.

true that

"other people's bullshit"

im sorry dear but the bullshit is your own-- it was installed in your brain a long time ago and now you own it. stop pointing your fingers at others and take responsibility for it.

and it's going to follow you around like a tail follows a dog. you can't "get away" from it with fake bullshit like getting fucked up. you'll just increase the pain is all.

i suggest dealing with it directly instead of the chicken-ass "solution" you're proposing. now you're pissing me off.

great, your PMs are maxed out now. FUCK.

Strawberry

Dont fall down now
You will never get up
Dont fall down now

Last thing I recall
I was in the air
I woke up on the street
Crawling with my strawberry burns
Ten long years in a straight line
They fall like water
Yes, I guess I fucked up again

Dont fall down now
You will never get up
Dont fall down now



strawberry burns are the worst kind..

shentov, keep yr head up sonic brotha

i'm sorry but YOU don't know the specific details of it.
the problem is OTHER PEOPLE. if all of these OTHER PEOPLE didn't keep coming and fucking my shit up all the time, i wouldn't have this little dillema. when i was in england and the people who are fucking my shit up now weren't around to fuck my shit up, guess what? i didn't have this little dillema.

i'm not denying that it's a "chicken-ass solution"
i'm not denying that it's fucked up and crazy and the wrong thing to do

i cleared my PMs btw.

details are for cop outs and excuses. The truth remains the truth from any vantage point. The truth is that you and only you affect yourself. It is not anyone else's fault, there are no real enablers but yourself. So, you either fail yourself and use, or succeed for yourself and abstain. the only dilemma you have is in your own mind. I suggest you remember that you can NOT erase the past, once things happen it is forever, and you will always rememebr your own mistakes and shortcomings, even if no one else cares or themselves remember..

^^^Irony - a bigtime herbalist going on about someone else's drug issues....

the fact that no one seems to understand this or anything i say, ever, is
a) why i would rather just say fuck it and keep doing drugs
b) why i don't ever talk about this shit openly

i appreciate everyone's concern and kindness. but you just don't get it.

say what you like, I-man have been clean of all hard drugs, from tylenol to cocaine for years now, and I-man have been dirty plenty of times to speak on these things.

Well, as you know, I'd never claim to "get" anything about your life (hell, I'm only an internet mongboarder, what the fuck do I know about anything?), but I'm glad that you appreciate our looking out for you. Well, whatever it is you decide to do, you have my support :)

ok so whatever the cause, don't be a chicken-ass and don't be stupid and kick the fuck out of these "other people" rather than being a self-destructive masochist.

i mean, better murder than suicide, bitch!

we all get it, its that you keep lying to yourself and making excuses for drug habbits and desires. They are no good, don't make excuses for yourself or anything else. You need to address the things that trigger your desire to use, and the spiritual and mental weakness that encourage it, and then you will have gotten to the root fo the problem. Drugs are weak bandaid to a much bigger underlying problem. Fix the real problems, and the drugs will seem like a silly cover up in the long run. and shit, if it gets that bad, go smoke some grass and chill out to reflect better.

no one in real space and time gets it either, and in addition to the fact, people like to pull bullshit on me or expect me to handle their bullshit for them and think that an apology is enough like i'm a fucking pawn or something. no. no no no no no.

that is life, we have to all help each other, mutually. you can not escape this, and drugs are not an escape from this either. Sure, you can take your hands of the wheel for a minute, but the car is still driving, and if you wait long enough, you will crash into the fuck wall. Keep control.

YOU CLEARLY DO NOT UNDERSTAND.


and now you know what, because you're all making all of these accusations your advice doesn't mean shit. fuck all of you.

ok, schizophrenia is so appealing. but really man, fuckit, why must YOU self destruct because some other asshole? i mean-- fuck them up, make them pay, whatever-- but killing yourself in the name of feeling insulted/abused/taken advantage of is just the worst fucking way. i mean, they win. so dont fucking let them. what the fuck????

Jesus - are you seriously some fucking idiot? Congratulations, you just won the "Melly Hypocritcal Drivel" Award. I-rie, maan.

no one is making accusation, we are telling you truth, because we have all been there. Call the spot go ahead, see what it accomplishes. Nothing. Would you like me to go call my spot too?

"if I could I'd wish it all away, if I thought tomorrow, they'd take you away..." [the best lyric about drug addiction ever written]

just keep taking cares biznass cantank.

kill the enemy & not yourself :P

no, it's because of myself as a result of other people

see.

YOU DON'T FUCKING GET IT.

+1 on that one.

i am the only person who is allowed to judge whether anyone else really understands or not because i am inside and you are all outside.

Drug addicts should be thankful that there is enough patience in this society for them to get better, especially considering the amount of shite that they talk.

well i get it that other people fucked you up. i do. ok? i guess.

i've had people hurt me-- plenty.

however, you only futher their shit work if you harm yourself in addition to the existing damage. if you wanna beat them, you gotta wake up from whatever curse theyve put on you.

i don't care about beating anybody. they can all go to hell as far as i'm concerned.

im not saying beating. you're beating yourself up chemically with whatever shit you're taking/planning to take, and for what end? how does that fix anything? how do the drugs not work for your enemy?

i know you didn't mean physically beating. i don't care about overcoming or winning or any of that shit. i just don't. not even worth my time.
they're not working in anyone's favour but mine (temporarily)

bullshit. they destroy you. you know it.

hence TEMPORARILY.

they do what i want them to do but not forever.

by the way, cigarettes and unhealthy food can kill you just as easily and no one ever bitches at me about that.

cantankerous sez that you wanna get burned. period.