Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.


Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.


Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris pees in a can and sells it as redbull.


The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably.

Most ''pepperoni'' sold in the usa is made from goat meat. I wish I had known earlier, as I would have realized how much me and goat meat were going to get along in the future.

Chuck Norris can fly, he simply chooses not to.


When Sartre said "hell is other people", he was actually talking about Chuck Norris. He just said "other people" to avoid offending Chuck Norris.

the flux capacitor requires more speed but I'm stuck using 10% ethanol.

:(


((tasty tasty goat meat...))
\/

it's less about speed and christopher noid or whatever his name is and more about zenifying the unzenifiable.

you know i think they already tried this, and if the result is another band like Bush then it's probably not a good idea.

i'm gonna stare at that image so i dream about it and then i'm going to kill it while sleeping

I've just come back from a kick ass do in London, and here are the three things of note:

1. Keeping gorillas in enclosures for the public amusement is totally fucked.
2. Learn to keep two-faced people from a big distance away from you.
3. Drinking with yr boss can actually be a good laugh.

That is all.

^^^ did the gorillas throw poo at the window? did they suck their own tits? gawd I love gorillas.




do you really believe that the current government administration would actually try to suppress or even HIDE such a device?

hell no. shock 'n awesome is the rule of the day.

they would have us tie them to our penises if we could get through customs with them on.

Mr F - the gorillas looked TOTALLY depressed - a truly horrible sight. It actually quite upset me.

Gorillas in their natural environment = YES.

i shouldnt have eaten a caramel apple
not only am i allergic to the apple, i'm allergic to the nuts they put on the apple

IT HURTS SO BAD MAKE IT STOP

who said anything about device? unless you pronounce your c's like z's in the land you mostly attribute to having influenced your manner of speech even if it is not your current habitat?

You should have passed that apple onto me, C. I would've swapped that for a couple of tubs of Pringles, and nommed that in my current, er, "enlivened" state.

dreams of exes suck.

way too long in lguk imo

It sure does....I swear I nearly bumped into an ex of mine last week - part-"I still kinda love you", mixed with "Fuck, you pissed me off, you fucker!". Nightmare City, I tell thee.

this is why human beings took over the planet.

I can't think of ANYONE who wouldn't want to spend the day sucking themselves off with no worries.

fucking gorillas, they just need a hug.

dreams of axes rock.

They sure do, fs:

^^^ bad link. hugging gorillas or swinging axes? :confused:

[edit: oh, sad gorilla. you hug first. I got yr back.]