i could really have some smoked salmon and cream cheese on toast for dinner one of these days.

you sound healthy!

YOU WIN!

sirloin strips, onions, garlic cooked in black label for the shit of it, and it wasn't bad.
next thing i'll be putting booze in my cereal.

I'm all for meat and potatoes but even I would have a few veggies to go with it. If only to break up the beige.

i tried salmon in different combinations last night while swilling booze and watching dollhouse (brilliant, brilliant), and i'll say this: it works better with just red onion and capers without the cream cheese. this sounds like heresy i know but it wasn't breakfast. it was a booze snack (i'm not *that* healthy)

i do assemble a killer cream cheese & lox bagel though-- mmmmm, im going to be hungry again if we keep talking about food

have it after, like a good frenchman.

I would like to have vegetables in it, I don't like the bland colour either but that would imply going out, buying vegetables, washing them, boiling them and whatnot. I just don't have the time.

Yes, I love red onion and capers. I think I could have red onion and capers with everything.

I am walking around my apartment to begin to break in my Docs.

Oh Christ. My ex/wife (who is not yet my ex-wife) came over to drop our son off and slammed the door shut and then took off her shoes and threw them at her boyfriend and invited herself to dinner. Somehow we didn't sleep together though I did hold her and let her cry for a bit.

Yes, I know this is fucking ridiculous, and I know it's more drama than any semi-sane person could want or covet. But God, it was the most interesting night in a while.

Now it's just me and Lennon, and actually pretty mellow and wonderful.

ha ha ha. she's going to come back. will you take her?

you're married after all, with a kid.

i wish our time understood marriage better, but we have it confused with "romance". which is a stupid medieval invention that has to do with unfulfilled sex.

after fucking, and farting in bed, and a yeast infection, there is no "romance".

I need to go have a tenth of the sex she's been getting and then I'll have an answer for you. and my self esteem will be in tact.

I did make a date for her to buy me groceries Thursday. but that would be stupid not to milk.

fuuuuuck romance

you need to go fuck someone else and then you're even.

then you can get on with raising your kid and all that shit that marriage is about.

maybe you'll need to take separate vacations like some french couples. get that shit out of your system with regularity and discretion.

yes, it's all about fucking. enjoy it while it lasts, and suck it dry, but don't start a family based on it.

I sort of agree, but for even, I need to fuck at least four someone elses I know of, and I figure for insurance I'm owed another two or three. Or getting all that from one person, in which case she can go fuck herself.

I just shouldn't have let her know I'd sleep with her. I'd taken all of her power away and now I've seriously fucked up.

fuck you for that. of course starting a family because you have found exactly what you want for the other half of perfect DNA is not exactly a perfect prescription either. I kind of did both and look at all the joy.

eh? im not sure what you're talking about but i was answering to satana.

i have loooong theories about this shit-- too long to explain in long internet rants-- but don't jump to conclusions about what i mean.

part of this has to do with me having extremely hot intense relations with women i couldn't possibly live with. oh, lots of drama.

but perfect DNA what? i didnt know you were practicing eugenics!

I'm a Capricorn (with Aquarius in Venus even). I can't help it.

Soul mate, perfect breeding partner, what's the difference? I think most women "think" that way subconsciously, actually, or hormonally. I definitely have given it some conscious thought. My son is perfect.

But that's the weird part. I think now that she's completely fucked up and can in no way be 50% of perfect, but when I look at him I'm reminded of where it came from. He's got some stuff in him that's better than me, so it must be her. Damn.

there is a great great article on the new yorker that appeared some 10+ years ago. it's about this american dude who was married and living in italy and had a thing with an italian woman. he does a beautiful analysis of marriage vs "dyonisus overflowing the river" or whatever he calls it.

of course in "ye olden tymes" it was the men who most notoriously "strayed". but everyone gets horny sometime and people fuck.

i'll find you the reference and you can probably either a) buy it online or b) look it up in the library. it's a fucking great article. i swear by it.

fucking a right!!

http://www.newyorker.com/archive/199...ARDS_000375157

the summary is crap, the article itself is really fucking great. read up & draw your own conclusions.

the karmic irony, in fact punchline, is that I used to stray, infrequently, by sneaking off anonymously to strip clubs.

what she's doing isn't straying though. we're not a couple despite the fact that I let her have some power on me tonight. I went a fucking long time without doing so, and I didn't blow it hardcore this time. and I'm not the one who's going to go to bed with a fucked up spinning head full of questions.

I just spent a half hour remixing pictures of Canadian dreamgirl and gave up because the original was better. and now I'm listening to awesome Japanese psych-folk (Kasumi Trio) and drinking red wine and pretty content. I didn't fuck up that bad.

wondering whether I should try to rid my new antique necklace of all the juju it seems to have, or just let it be and get to know it a little better.

being arty crafty, making some beads, hairpieces, and that kind of thing for christmas presents.

trying to hold off on having a drink, but it seems like such a good idea. It would ruin my week of 'healthy eating' though.

what exactly is wrong with this woman.

and ffs.

all this talking about relationships lol.

im guessing you did not have the best examples?

my grandparents still go out for dinner together, write each other love letters, hold hands and god knows what else after 55 years of marriage.

so if you dont feel ur getting anything like that, or anything satisfactory for both parts then you better just let go no?

there sure is, if you plan to drop some analingus on an unsuspecting female. ha!

my grandmothers both died this year, but my dad's mom was married to his father for 65 years. they bickered constantly, but loved each other and their whole family immensely. I've never had a relationship anything like theirs, but I'm that's generational a lot more than it has anything to do with following examples.

As for letting go, yes, I agree completely, except for the fact there is a child we have to raise together regardless of what else we do. That certainly means I ought not suggest sleeping with her or even giving her a supportive hug. I've done pretty good until last night, and as backslides go, that was pretty minor on my part.

it was pretty minor.

it is hard to differentiate when you are both support for your offspring, but you are NOT her support mechanism, you know? it is complex and ambiguous.

of course.
you gotta keep it civil and supportive for the sake of the child.
it sounds like you are being very mature.
good luck.

sure obsessing on a crazy girl half my age and 2,000 miles away is probably a completely mature way to get through this. that and paying strippers to dance to Sonic Youth songs. throw in waiting for my bandmate to dump her boyfriend and move out on him, and a photoshoot tonight with a friend who I know is seeing multiple guys and for some reason wants me to dress up for it as well, shake well and drink one maturity cocktail to oblivion...

cmon man, going to a titty bar isn't "straying". maybe you didn't tell her or what? and wasn't she a stripper herself? didn't you guys go together to the titty bar?

anyway, just a few months ago you were like "oes, my wife + i = stronger than ever", so this is recent, the not being a couple, unless there was inner rot & a shiny surface & it was all delusion, but anyway...

my prediction: she'll realize she fucked up big (i suppose) & ask to rejoin the flock after her mid-life crisis has been worked out. and then she'll be in the shituation that man describes in that article-- or maybe not.

the other day you said you weren't bitter-- you're a better man than me though-- had she done that to me, i'd cut her fucking throat. but im not an aquarius!

I'm not an Aquarius either, I just have one in Venus and moon. those are the areas that govern this shit though, and I'm not bitter. she's done way worse to herself than me. doesn't mean I want another helping though.

when I went to strip clubs was when she was not into that world, which was most of our time together, and yeah I hid it. she'd danced before but had nothing but negative stuff to say about it (I fully understand why now!)

then about a year ago she started saying she wanted to do it again and go back to school. I found the idea actually kind of turned me on, and went along with it. we did go to some clubs together, yeah. we did have some wild crazy kinky sex that I don't regret for a second. I miss the non-drama queen non-nympho I once knew though, and I don't think she can come back so easily without some major changes I don't think she can make.

she'll beg and plead and promise that she will. mark my wordzes. ha.

well i dont know her actually, but it's an all-too frequent pattern of human behavior.

dont guiltrip about looking at tits. at least you didn't bring any diseases home.

I didn't just look. I'm a bit better looking than the average strip club customer, which tends to get quite a few bonuses. but yeah, McSex is not sex, and I'm not particularly guilty. especially in light of what the future brought. in the back of my fucked up mind, I'd always fantasized about being married to a sexually liberated stripper; so it was definitely a case of be careful what you wish for.

I can imagine her begging and pleading and promising, but I can't imagine her succeeding at this point. maybe if I saw a year of therapy for her go down first, but by the time that happened I'm sure we'd both have found other, probably more balanced, people. and that's not even saying it will happen.

ha! that happens to all of us-- thos fucking wishes.. if i could take a few back i would.

when you published the news that she was going back to stripping i thought i smelled a rat, but everyone cheered and i shut my mouth, though my bad news alarm went off pretty loud. eventually the zit popped, yes. humans are pretty predictable after all. really, as a species, we're not that peculiar.


question is, do you want your kid part-time in her hands while she find that "probably more balanced" partner, or worse, if she finds one more unbalanced than you? im not trying to give you shit or increase your worries, i simply tend to often look at things in strategic terms and i see clouds of doom gathering in the horizon, unless something happens.

maybe this perception has to do more with the nature of internet conversations, but she looks pretty wack from where i'm sitting, and this comes from your descriptions. and the thing is that in real life i would tell you some of my own bullshit as you tell me some of yours but i tend to not spill my business on the internet and so it appears one-sided, like i'm just a critic on the sideline, whereas, no, no, i've had my fuckups, monster-sized ones, and so i'm not some theorist here. maybe some day over beers i'll confess my true crimes.

but anyway, back to the thing, i was saying, beware of her going off the deep end, cuz she might drag your kid into it (hi, meet your new cokehead daddy), and that's what you can't in any way want-- you probably know the court system better than her, but who the fuck needs legal nightmares?

now i don't know her or anything but do keep an eye on her sanity. you're a family for the rest of your lives whether you want it or not.

I have no choice but to watch her sanity and even try to guide it a bit for the reason you mention. Oh fucking well.

you didn't know me well enough to say, "Hey don't you think she might be looking for a succession of losers to fuck to try to drive you as crazy as she obviously is" back when she was going back to stripping. now you do, and I'd appreciate it if I disclose anything so stupid again.

as it is, my photoshoot tonight just turned way more date-like (the rest of her band canceled and we're still going to the isolated beach in the dark in the freezing cold anyway...) and this girl makes my wife seem balanced. but I don't intend to move in with her under any circumstances whatsoever...

no i didn't know that, but i did think that your positive spin on the situation was delusional, and i could have mentioned it instead of being so non-judgmental. o well.

anyway i promise to next time open my big yapping mouth & say the blunt shit i think-- i tend to offend people without really wanting to but that's how i roll. im a caring motherfucker with zero diplomacy skills.

here's my last blunt statement for the night: get your crazy ex into therapy however you can-- by force, bribery, or persuasion-- it's a much better education than any fucking school and cheaper than a court of law. she needs to face the fact that she will grow old and wrinkled no matter what shenanigans she fucking tries to pull, and a good shrink will hammer that into her head and maybe teach her how to actually enjoy the process & find a more constructive way for her ridiculous urges. but anyway, i hope i'm not making to many assumptions-- i don't really think she was fucking those losers to "make you crazy", i wouldn't take it personally-- i think this has more to do with her own sense of inadequacy, and acting out her issues. but since you know her better, maybe that was in fact her "revenge"-- though it looks like it's backfiring.

anyway, best wishes.

she had a man who would have found her hot old and wrinkled. I'm 80% certain she's lost him now, but I'll still be her older brother/father figure if that continues to work for both of us. as for therapy, I've gotten her in so many times you wouldn't imagine. it's the staying in that I can't do for her.

this has scorpio written all over it


dead air, i understand why you continue to support her emotionally/mentally. she is the mother of your son and no one can take that place.

Skin puppet with her hair as a wig will do.

lololol

Just prepared this really nice paprika-duet soup


tasted fantastic

And now I'm totally feeling fancy.