Whatever you do, don't forget that you're not at a football match or a U2 gig. Just pay for the ticket, enjoy the music and sod off home. One of the best gigs i've attented was one by Woodbine because when they finished playing the guitarist went: ''Well, that's it. You can all fuck off now.''

if you don't like the opening band, don't take it personally. if you do take it personally and get in the opening band's grill, don't say you weren't warned.

ohh, and don't ask your buddies what do you think about them during the first song, or any song for that matter; ask them after the very last encore and when the lights are on.

Please, PLEASE don't piss in the middle of the crowd even if you're drunk.

when you go see nick cave (and grinderman, i guess) don't shout birthday party song names...


...on second thought, that's not a bad idea. shout for 'release the bats' for me if you see him.

Don't stare at Kim Gordon when she's backstage... I kept staring and thinking 'Omfg!!! Thats Kim(!!!)' And she gave me this scared 'wtf?' look.

dont talk too much or stand infront of someone. dont push and dont get on anyones shoulders.

when going to a noise show or you're seeing a band that it's the very least noisy, don't stick your fingers to your ears. it's called noise for a reason, if you can't take it, leave.

unless you are at an oi! show, don't sing football chants, ever.

while not being particularly ok, air guitar can be executed as long as you don't air whirlwind strum your axe or air break your guitar or air leap or anything that can hit and or get in people's faces. ask yourself "would i do a move pete townsend would do even though i'm not pete townsend or am playing a guitar for real and am onstage with plenty of room to move around?" come on, answer that!

don't try to tell eveyone within listening distance that you've been a fan "since the beginning" if you don't know FOR SURE that [album_x] really was the first album.

example: "oh yeah, I've been a fan of the Cure since the beginning. I even have Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me."

this type of behavior is also unacceptable outside of concert venues.

1st rule - there are no rules.

please also note: earplugs are for sissies.

if the band you're seeing wears make up and/or masks, you should not wear make up and/or masks to their shows; if you feel like doing it, get your own band together and get your own show.

fuck this.

1st rule: these are RULES, not suggestions, not guidelines; these are rules and are expected to be followed, if you don't, you are subjected to get some sort of payback from the crowd and/or band.

unlike the rules of society and the like, these are actual statements for the well common of a large group of individuals and to ensure the enjoyment of a concert performance, not to repress or enforce authority.

hope you're being sarcastic cuz that's a retarded thing to say. I'd assert the reverse, only sissies are scared to wear earplugs.

why shouldnt people put their fingers in their ears?

security guards are dicks, that's their job, you're not going to be cool about it and they will not be friendly to you, deal with it. if a security guard ends up being cool, you just found something golden there; if you are obnoxious, expect the security goons to tell you to cut it out, if you try to bum rush the stage, expect the security goons to toss you out, if you choose to stage dive and/or crowd surf, expect the security goons to throw you back to the crowd.

however, if a security guard decides to throw people out for no reason and use excesive force towards the crowd and/or the band, feel encouraged to fight back.

NOTE: be sure the majority of the crowd and/or the band are aware of this and decide to fight back.

totally fucking serious. if you can't take a loud show, stay home and listen to your iPod.

I have (and will) make fun of my friends that use them.

my high-frequency hearing loss is worth every "what'd you say dude?".

and in case you haven't noticed, I excel at saying "retarded things". :)

that's what happens when wear an alien mind-control device.

because it's a noise show, you should expect it to be loud and with grating frequencies; if you can't stand that music you either a) don't go to these kinds of shows, b) wear earplugs or c) get out. it's annoying to see some snob thinking he's too cool for being at a show and then realizing he can't take it.

at the very least, stand in the back, there's nothing more irritating that some guy up front with his fingers on his ears, it's insulting to the band and the audience.