dear pookie,

i seem to have lodged a bottle up my rectum and cant get it out. its been about an hour and no matter how much lube i use there is just no freeing it. what should i do?

geoff ringworm, crawley.

And in English please?


No, you only get really good water retention with the menopause.


He's my long lost brother, last seen some time in the '80's. Rumour has it he now lives in a place called retroland.

Funny, it says the same about you.


I like 'adoxography' and 'lalochezia'.


WOODY ALLEN: That's quite a lovely Jackson Pollock, isn't it?
GIRL IN MUSEUM: Yes it is.

WOODY ALLEN: What does it say to you?

GIRL IN MUSEUM: It restates the negativeness of the universe, the hideous lonely emptiness of existence, nothingness, the predicament of man forced to live in a barren, godless eternity, like a tiny flame flickering in an immense void, with nothing but waste, horror, and degradation, forming a useless bleak straightjacket in a black absurd cosmos.

WOODY ALLEN: What are you doing Saturday night?

GIRL IN MUSEUM: Committing suicide.

WOODY ALLEN: What about Friday night?


Buy another bottle.

dear pookie:

who's better, billy ocean or rick astley?

paula abdul

dear pookie,

someone tells me they love me but wont give me their address what should i do?

mark park, chorley.

Dear Pookie,
Summer's nearly over and i wont be able to walk around my neighbourhood at my topless best.Do you know of any good place where my boobs can be shown at the right temperature?

Regards

Keely Wow!

My neighborourhood

Dear Pookie

There's a lady who every summer wanders around the neighbourhood topless. Should I massacre her?

Fondest regards,

Seth Cohen, my neighbourhood.

This is an excellent thread. i vote we have a Dear Porkmarras thread next.

Music's not a competition, Paula


Porkland Marras
12 Blueberry Pie Street
London
NW 32


The reptile house at London Zoo, where it's considered de rigeur.


No, send her to the reptile house at London Zoo.

Well I'm going home now, so direct any other queries to porky.

dear pookie,

are all men pigs? all my girlfriends tell me that.

rosemary abercrombie
devon

Pookie has left the building, please post all queries in 'Ask porkmarras' thread.

sorry

dear pookie,

which is the one true faith?

desmond tutu, africa.

now in inglisch:
Dear Pookie, i have a preference for that kind of fellatio (blow job) pictures, where the fellatricis (woman's) nose is held by the guy (who receives the blow job). Is this yet normal?

-- Or did you just want me to translate fellatrix (fellatricis is genitive) with woman?

Gu Noir
Vienna

Dear Pookie,

I have been offered the opportunity to take part in a three in a bed session with any two members of Girls Aloud that I choose. Should I accept, and, if I do, which two should I have along for the ride?

Pop fan,
Exmoor

Dear Pookie,

When will you be releasing your new mix tape, and what can we expect?
I hope you answer quicker than the band. :rolleyes:

I think you should accept the offer of a three in a bed session with Sarah and Nicola, and you should have Kimberley and Nadine along for the ride. (Sorry Cheryl).


Soon. And you can expect good packaging and fast delivery.

Hmmm, 17 minutes. Now, that's what I call quick response.

Dear Pookie,
I have an attitude problem and i feel like slapping random people on the face outside shapping centres on a saturday afternoon.Is there anything that i can do to control myself?

Monnie Blast

Croydon