sorry. <3

FUCK

why the fuck am I up?

tea, a cupcake, a book, before bed. thinking about tomorrow.

I can't be cruel at home, so I have to unleash it somewhere.

listening to hours and hours of music i've recorded this, which i want to edit to something i can combine with a fanzine of sort, and then bury the hatchet as far as year of the lips is concerned. Dead Air- what happened to that track i sent you a while ago for reworking?

I'll do it soon, I promise. Two things happened. My computer got too full to safely do it, and my wife was going to be getting a new computer through a school rebate/loan thing. Then this incredible musician/artist/photographer/goddess from Nova Scotia suddenly got into me for god knows what reason and sent me a track to remix as well. Realizing that the funds to get the computer for a rebate weren't going to happen before the marriage and shared household are going to be history, I finally gave up the other night and went to KPSU and used the computer to remix the track from Nova Scotia. Of course yours was months older, but I freely admit that I fell victim to my heterosexual weakness and need to maintain self esteem in that department as well.

However, being driven to actually do what I say I do musically, I know now I can and will. I have a memorial for my second grandma to die in two months next week, but after that, I will make the Dead Lips talk.

That's cool, I was just wondering because I happened to listen again to it after months.

uhh

Me too actually. And I found a way to work that was always there in front of me too. So it will happen.

Excellent. I just finished coming up with a tracklist for a cd. I will send some cds out to you and others in the next 2 weeks. Some of the tracks have a distinct noise, psych and industrial kind of feel. The psych element comes from the fact that I have been guitar more than ever before, and fucked things up.

lamenting the fact that i am out of marijuana
going to purchase some more marijuana

I am uhh..

techno..

Sounds wonderful. I'm excited. I wish there was some magic money somewhere to bring you to Olympia this summer for the festival.

I'm watching Lennon play the drums. He's so naturally talented at this, it's incredible. Well, now he's in my lap to watch a You Tube video. That was fast...

I told my wife this morning I'd opened my own bank account. She didn't like it of course, but she didn't call me names, cry, or act out horribly. It really hurts to have to be the bringer of the realities that she's forced on us and herself. Otherwise it's a relief to be accepting them myself.

you guys didn't have separate bank accounts?



rule number one.

never, ever, ever entangle yourself financially with another person.

Sure, but you do things like buy a house and have that third person get born into your household and the ability to split things becomes rather difficult. I let her rule me financially to keep from fighting over it. Yes that was weak and stupid. Love is weak and stupid. I'm strong and smart now. I hope.

I'm thinking about borrowing money to fly my dream girl across North America though, so I really never learn a damn thing.

your situation i understand.

others, no.







love makes me weaker and stupider than all the weak, stupid people in the world combined.

That makes one of you. I don't understand. I just keep listening to the Dylan cover she sent me over and over and realize I don't really want to understand anything anyway.

i am trying to work out if my foot is indeed broken right now. i was so drunk i made it home without realising but now its absolute agony. i guess only time will tell.

[quote=Dead-Air]Sounds wonderful. I'm excited. I wish there was some magic money somewhere to bring you to Olympia this summer for the festival.

I'm watching Lennon play the drums. He's so naturally talented at this, it's incredible. Well, now he's in my lap to watch a You Tube video. That was fast...

I told my wife this morning I'd opened my own bank account. She didn't like it of course, but she didn't call me names, cry, or act out horribly. It really hurts to have to be the bringer of the realities that she's forced on us and herself. Otherwise it's a relief to be accepting them myself.[/QUOTE ] Thanks. I was going to come to the states this year for different reasons, I was to get married to a guy from Minneapolis I met here in London. I've had second thoughts about it and called the wedding off early because I didnt think it would work. The plan is still on as far as visiting is concerned. The only thing is that we are just friends and keep in touch almost every day. He is visiting next year in May or June.

I know this man who got married to an american but apparently same sex marriage might be accepted but doesn't give him the right to get a greencard? they had to get a lawyer to sort it out and spend loads of money.

as for what i am doing.

what do you do when you feel so shit about yourself, you have a massive horrid hangover (and didn't even have fun), even moving hurts and its almost like uve had a lobotomy?

Wow. So you totally get my crazy international crush/friendship then. I just talked to her on the phone for the first time ever. I think I'm headed for exactly the kind of turmoil you mention above too. I have no idea if we are the ideal lovers or ideal friends. Of course the romantic in me hopes for both, but there's this little realist on the other shoulder, and I don't know which one has the horns and which one has the halo.

two things have ever helped me through that situation: cats and pot.

The plan was for him to move to the UK. I know this American dude who went through hell in order to marry his partner in Liverpool, move there, and live happily forever after. They had to shell out a big amount of money (for them).

And did they find a justifiable amount of happiness?

I'm convinced that if I never kiss this girl it would still be worth everything to meet her and go places with her. I'm so ridiculously infatuated, it makes no sense at all.

Am tryin' to make room for stuff to put stuff into in a room with no room for other stuff.

being a lazy piece of shit for once

ha ha, good advice for judge judy customers in general ("i signed my name for her cellphone!"), but being married is a different story-- it is in fact an economic contract, when you clear away all the bullshit ritual.

dead-air pointed at some of that but there's much more to it-- e.g., we're not cooking little individual meals for each person, or keeping 2 fridges, or keeping 2 rooms at separate temperatures, or measuring how much hot water each consumes, etc.

living alone is of course the best way to avoid these entanglements, but once you're a family you're all in the same boat--- that's why you should watch carefully who you marry and why-- "love" (read: hard dick) is not cause enough for this-- you can get that without the contract. "being in love" is a temporary illness, and it's no base for any kind of long-term contract.

the problem with many marriages is that they are based on deluded "romantic" ideologies rather than reality. "but i love him!"-- no, that's no reason to marry-- that's reason to fuck their brains out-- you marry someone cuz you wanna start a fucking tribe with them and you're ready to pay the price and stake your future on the enterprise.

God yes! They had been apart for a long time, in the end the wedding itself only meant they could be together. Keef is also an awesome musician who played, amongst others, with Faust. They really are a great couple. Oh, and they met on the internet.

my mind is absolutely allergic to pot. it is ridiculous. one would think that im a real schitzo, but id be just stoned.

as for the infatuation, GO FOR IT.

goin' to bed, take care

Reliving the album of my 11 year old self, Americana by The Offspring. This is due wholly to having a kick ass night last night that included the Time Warp and late night food runs. I still know every word to this album

tryin' to destroy a supervirus from a friend's pc.
fuck.

Yeah, at least you get something interesting to read, eh? But then at least I get something interesting to live, so I'm thinking - yes.

a similar situation turned out to be the best thing that ever happened in my life.

but you never know, i guess what im saying is we gotta take risks.

mental note.

Suffering a stinking cold.

Yeah, I'm not sure she's as up for the risk as I am though. Which is pretty damn fair. She'd be the one who'd have to take a huge one and go some place where she knows nobody but me. I can't leave my son behind, so I won't be doing that. Too bad, because I'd be pretty up for it otherwise (though I have a good career I really shouldn't leave too). She wants to collaborate on a cover of "Expressway to Yr. Skull" now, so I'm thinking ride the music wave for awhile and see.

I know people who left their children in a different country. But you're right, I wouldn't do that.

just woke up
drinking coffee + doing bong hits
then going to work

bong hits are part of a complete breakfast