Dear Pookie

What happened to SARS? No-one talks about it anymore, why is this so?

It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument.

Ever had one of those arguments on here?

Because all of the bad things have been taken by the good people.

Pookie,

Any lunch suggestions?

Thanks


Romolo Box

Casual sex with a stranger?

You've stumpped me there.

I sayeth unto you: if he wants to, so shall it be.

Dear Pookie,

My face is sore. Should I look at more things and less stuff, or more stuff and less things?

Sincerely,

Terry O'Rierden.

You should stuff more things.

Pookie,

Is Glice racist? He uses the word race a lot + he only seems to eat white bread when granary has been offered to him.


Yours

Condoleeza Petronilla

Congo

This is his favourite film:




You be the judge.

Pookie,

I played Royal Trux to my flatmates and they don't seem to listen to anything else. What band should i introduce them next?


Jimmy 'Says' Hi

Dear Pookie,

How did that Slapper Shetty get to snog Richard Gere, and all I got was some bloke down the niteclub and I can't even remember what he looked like I was so razzered. She ain't even a proper celebritty and all that, she ain't even had a book out like I has. It ain't rite, is it pookie?

Luv Jade Goody.

Dear Pookie,

I have a problem. I actually think Julia Roberts is a good actress. My friends have threatened me with hospitalization time and time again, but my undying love for her thespianism will never die. I always hear people talk about her as if she was mediocre and unchanging in her roles. I think she is better than mortal but less than God.
Help me!

Sincerely,
Mary Jo Barjimanaugh
Firmington, Vermont

dear pookie,
i'm gonna graduate in a month. will i pass?
sincerely,
Mrs. Slacker

Twisted Sister.

Don't worry about her, just be assured in the knowledge that you are a better person, a best selling author, and not, I repeat NOT, a pig-faced ignorant racist.

I hope that helps.

As is so often the case, I needed to read between the lines to get to the crux of your question.

A hard question for somebody like me who wavers between atheism and agnosticism. If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.*


*Thanks to my good friend, Woodland Allensberg for inspiration.

If you're really a slacker, why do you care?

Pookie,

Can you make it stop?

Thanks

Franz

Yes certainly. Just hold it tight until it turns purple and stops throbbing. Reverse the process to start it up again.

Dear Pookie,

How are you celebrating St George's Day?

Dave the Dragon.

Dearest Pookie,

Do you know what you've just started?

Regards

Franz's hand

Well, I have a sticky dilemma.

I've always held a joint celebration on 23rd April.

Of course it's St. George's Day (happy birthday sire).

And of course it's my mum's birthday (happy 64th mum).

But I (and other scholars) have always presumed Shakespeare's birthday was on 23rd April. But I've recently found out that this isn't the case. Shakespeare certainly died on St. George's Day, and he was probably christened on 23rd, but he was almost certainly born on 22nd. His granddaughter was married on 22nd in honour of her famous relation (the anniversary of his birth?)

So my celebrations this year will be tinged with some confusion and sadness.

Hopefully, the single cylinder crankshaft on your moped. What did you think I was talking about?

Dear Pookie,

To whom should I give some reputation in order that I can give some to you?

Dear Pookie,

What did i think you were talking about?

Yours

Franz's clean and perfumed hand

Franz's body

Dear Pookie,

How can i make a girl like me from a distance?

Trevor, Kendal.

Why would you want a girl to like you from a distance?

What do you think I think you were talking about?

Don't worry about it, knowing that I've enriched people's pathetic and pointless lives with my advice is all the reward I need.

Dear Pookie,

Thank you for enriching my pathetic and pointless life with your advice.

Would you like me to light a candle for you when I next go to church?

All the best,
Little Timmy

Not if you're going to be doing it sarcastically.

dear pookie,

should i try?

mick, hemsby.

Dear Pookie,

Why are Belgian Buns called Belgian Buns?

Best regards,
Auntie Mildred

Certainly give it a go.

If you don't succeed, just say to yourself, "I gave it a go, jolly good for me".

If you fail, just say, "Oh well, at least I gave it a go".

If you don't give it a go, but succeed anyway, say to yourself, "I should have given it a go, but never mind because I did it anyway".

If you don't give it a go and fail, just say, "I should have given it a go, but didn't and so may have succeeded if I had. But then again, I could have given it a go and failed, and may have felt worse than I feel now, having not given it a go and failed. On the other hand, I could have given it a go, succeeded, decided that it wasn't what I wanted anyway, and felt worse than I do now, having not given it a go and failed, or if I had not given it a go and succeeded and decided it wasn't what I wanted, and why did I succeed at something that ultimately I didn't even want and didn't even attempt to go for?".

Dear Pookie,

When wearing pink stilettos, and all you have a red dress, what must one to to have a matching combination?

Drag in a Drama.

Dear Pookie,

Chelsea or Man Utd?

Dear Pookie,

Why haven't you answered your Auntie Mildred's question?

Uncle Dave

I actually thought it was a joke. I've been waiting for the punchline.